Favorite Tracy Jordan Quotes
How black was this dude...on a scale from Lisa Bonet, to Dot Com?
Tracy: Doctor Spaceman, when they check my DNA, will they tell me what diseases I might get, or help me to remember my ATM pin code?
Dr. Spaceman: Absolutely. Science is whatever we want it to be. I'll let you know as soon as we have the results.
Tracy: I already know the results, the kid is not mine!
Dr. Spaceman: Boy, it's crazy to think we used to settle questions of paternity by dunking a woman in water until she admitted she made it all up. Different time, the '60s.
Oh check this out! My key to the city of Gary, Indiana. Mmmm, look at this! My gold record from my novelty party song. cut to "Werewolf Bar Mitzvah" music video, Tracy singing] Werewolf bar mitzvah, spooky scary. Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves.
Tracy
Liz: Your lizard cannot be the music guest on the show.
Tracy: Of course not! His album doesnt drop until December!
Jack: You're the only one bank rolling this? What about Brown and Folderson?
Tracy: That's what I call my wallet.
[to Kenneth] That's the whole thing, K-Fed. Why don't the Catholics not eat meat on Fridays? Because the Pope owns Long John Silvers!
I'm sorry I'm four hours late but my alarm clock didn't go off because it died in a cock fight last night.
Tracy: I'm gonna say to you what I say to all my sharks right before they die: Let's go outside.
Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.
Tracy: No, Dad! Don't die! I love you Dad! I don't wanna dogfight no more!
Jack (normal voice): Tracy that's it! That's it!
Tracy (to therapist): Thank you for showing me there really is love in my family after all. And I need to stay the hell away from them. Donaghy, you're the only family I need, Jackie D.
Jack: You got that right, Tre. You know it's too bad you didn't know Howard Cossell when you were growing up because I had that one in my pocket the whole time.
You know how pissed off I was when US Weekly said that I was on crack? That's racist! I'm not on crack. I'm straight-up mentally ill!
I'm sorry to use my barn voice, but I'm riled up!
