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Oh my god, Pierce is going to be the only person ever to drown in a parking lot... twice.

I hope I get multiple personalities. I get lonely in long showers.

Shirley: I've never been a captain before.
Pierce: I have I commanded a jet ski through an electrical storm and only had one casualty.
Troy: Jet skis only hold two people.
Pierce: Exactly, I saved half the crew.

Shirley: I was going to sign up for a class to make an online dating profile, but sailing in the parking lot sounds less pathetic.
Troy: A black person on a sailboat? I gotta see this. I'm in.

A switch is a stick she can use to whoop you with. Cherish, Britta. Cherish.

Abed: I hate when they finish each other's...
Troy:... pies.

Troy: You should be like Calvin. His best friend was a tiger, he always went on dope adventures, and if anything stood in his way, he just peed on it.
Pierce: Calvin Coolidge?

Troy: Abed, what are you doing?
Abed: Being myself.
Troy: Go be yourself by Jenny.
Abed: I wouldn't go over there.
Pierce: How do you know that?
Abed: A lifetime of observation mostly.

Chang: We're going to get frozen yogurt.
Pierce [getting on Chang's scooter]: I'm not gay man, they close in seven minutes.
Troy: I could have driven you.
Chang: You said he hated froyo.
Pierce: Just drive!
Troy: Slut!

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why God gave them parts that jiggle.

I am spending a lot of money on breakaway clothing.

Troy: The last thing I said to him was 'Suck it.
Britta: Me too.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 150 in total

Community Quotes

Annie: The midterm dance will need a visual theme. Like, 'Let's blow off steam,' and it's trains!
Chang: I have an idea!
Annie: Chang, your last idea was to murder.

Girls are supposed to dance. That's why God gave them parts that jiggle.

Troy
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