Waylon Smithers Quotes
Season 24, Episode 15: "Black Eyed, Please"
Ned: Come on Homer, I'm insisting on a fisting.
Smithers: What's this about a fisting?
• Rating: 4.6 / 5.0
Season 22, Episode 11: "Flaming Moe"
Smithers: Can I have a scotch and water?
Moe: My scotch is a scotch and water.
• Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
Smithers: They're fighting like Iran and Iraq!
Mr. Burns: What?
Smithers: Persia and Mesopotamia.
• Rating: 4.3 / 5.0
Season 22, Episode 6: "The Fool Monty"
Smithers: I'm so happy I could hug you.
Mr. Burns: And have me smell like cheap drug store cologne the rest of the day? You may hug my shadow.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Smithers: He was more than a friend. He was the reason I got up in the morning because he would inject me with coffee at six in the morning in the back of the head.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 19, Episode 2: "Homer of Seville"
(Mr. Burns and Smithers visit the morgue.)
Mr. Burns: Ah, nothing lifts my spirits like shopping. Let's see, (Points) I'll take his liver, a case of Adam's apples, (Points) that motorcycle man's mustache.
Smithers: Oh, the money you've contributed to anti-helmet laws has really paid off, sir.
Mr. Burns: Well, young people are my future.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 19, Episode 1: "He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs"
(Smithers helps Mr. Burns shop for a cell phone.)
Smithers: What happened to that mini-cell phone I gave you, sir?
Mr. Burns: Ooh, I thought that was a lemon drop.
(Mr. Burns stomach suddenly vibrates.)
Smithers: I'll go get the number de-listed.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 18, Episode 12: "Little Big Girl"
(Smithers is on fire, while Mr. Burns is washing his car.)
Smithers: Sir, help me!
Mr. Burns: Why should I? You're not helping me.
Smithers: But sir, I'm flaming!
(Mr. Burns looks at the camera with an odd expression)
• Rating: Unrated
Season 18, Episode 4: "Treehouse of Horror XVII"
(During the opening credits, Mr. Burns acts as the Crypt Keeper from Tales from the Crypt.)
Mr. Burns: Hello, boils and ghouls. I am the crypt-keeper, or should I say master of scary-i-monies? (Laughs)
(Smithers interrupts Mr. Burn's opening speech.)
Smithers: (Laughs) Priceless sir, you made the word ceremonies frightening.
Mr. Burns: I know what I did. Urghh.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 22: "Secrets of a Successful Marriage"
Smithers: Mr. Simpson, are you listening? (Homer eats an orange) Simpson?!
Homer: Huh? Yeah, I was listening. Very funny.
Moe: Oh, you were not! You were just eating a damn orange.
Homer: Well, yes, yes, to the untrained eye, I'm eating an orange, not to the eye that has brains; I'm making a point about marriage! For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin...then the sweet, sweet innards... (devours it)
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 76