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New-girl

Winston: Hey Schmidt, do you mind if I use the uh...manbulance?
Schmidt: The manbulance is resting. It's getting ready for the corporate retreat.
Winston: That's cool. I'm sure the mambulance couldn't handle all of Shelby's luggage anyway.
Schmidt: What the hell is wrong with you, Winston? It could fit the luggage of 9 Shelbys. It has the towing capacity of 1,000 Shelbys.

Nick: Schmidt...I need you to teach me to be a douchebag
Schmidt: Let's get started.
Winston: What is happening in the world?

Winston: So nice to meet you, Mr. Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Can I sit on your shoulders?
Kareem: Sure!
Winston: Really?
Kareem: No!

Boobies. Girls with clean hair. Models eating sliders. Bernadette Peters on a high beam. Freshly baked bread.

I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.

Jess: I got laid off.
Winston: What!?
Nick: Are you serious?
Schmidt: Obama...

Winston: You, my friend, have become her fluffer.
Nick: Like in porn?
Winston: Her emotional fluffer!

Winston: They call me Prank Sinatra!
Nick: No, you call you Prank Sinatra!

You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!

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