He doesn't steal pies from windowsills! He is a real-life homeless person!

Or we could break into a zoo, steal a bear, then we shoot the bear full of Hep C, we release that bear in the restaurant right as they're about to order dessert.

Prostitute: Aren't you a virgin, too?
Winston: Just my penis, baby. Just my penis.

I know you're lying, and I'm hurt, but I'm gonna eat this anyway

I'm staying positive, but I'm pretty sure this is where we die.

I needed your underwear...to sew into my underwear.

Winston: An eye for an eye, Nick; a cat for a cat.
Nick: But what's the other cat?

Hello, Pica? I need a table for five. This is author Toni Morrison.

He's gonna have to get...it rhymes with "flute-ered."

Ain't no way in hell I got a cat brothel going on in my room and I'm the only normal person in this loft.

Winston: Schmidt, you can't move out! Who's gonna do my fades?!
Jess: Yeah, who's gonna do his fades?!

You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!

New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt