Family Guy

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Peter: Excuse me, which one was Lindsay Lohan's dessert fork?
Waiter: I think it was that one.
Peter: [licks fork] Give me cocaine!


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Peter Griffin Quotes, Family Guy Season 11 Episode 18 Quotes, Family Guy Quotes
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Family Guy Season 11 Episode 18 Quotes

For those of you who turned out to see my stand-up comedy debut at Zany's last night, I again apologize for what I said about Moroccans.

Tom Tucker

Lois: Peter, what happened to your voice? It's so deep!
Peter: I think I'm sick.
Lois: Well, you don't sound like yourself. In fact, you sound kinda hot!
Peter: I just threw up two chicken gyros out the side of my nose, they're on your side of the bed.
Lois: Ohhhh...say that again!