Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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Oh I will find one. I mean, you are looking at the guy who found the fountain of youth. It is very far away from here,

Well last night me and Brian got drunk and ate the turkey, but before you get mad we also ate the salad.

I'm the guy who killed your bodyguard.

"What if Bono had been too afraid to wear sunglasses…then nobody would know about Africa!"

"I used to love Duff when I was younger, but I haven't even had it in like 13 years."

Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: Playing Unga Bunga. It's the championship.
Stewie: Go away! This is why Zillow estimates our house at $4.

I'm glad we're staying together. Honestly, I don't know what I would do on my own. Like, I literally have no idea where food comes from. Is it that guy? Is he the food man?

Did you see that? My dog had a gun.

Lois: Peter, we gotta go talk to Donna.
Peter: Alright, but you need to cool down first, Lois. Find a way to channel your anger. What I do is throw a shot put into a crowd and make it look like an accident.

Peter: I'm having an affair.
Lois: That's ridiculous.
Peter: It's not ridiculous, it's Cybill Shepherd. She's attainable for a guy like me now.

Hey, Lois! Guess who made 15 baskets at the county fair? Some kid we beat up! What a great day!

Meg: Dad, sometimes I wonder why you even had a family.
Peter: I don't know...I was dating your mother, I don't like the way condoms feel, next thing you know, I got a mortgage, a kid, and a crappy job at a toy factory.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 839 in total

Family Guy Quotes

Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter