Stewie: Oh my God. They just elected him out of pity, because they think he's mentally challenged.
Brian: Kind of like we did with George W. Bush, huh? Right?
Stewie: [loud sigh] I guess. I guess, Brian. I don't...I don't know. Let's just watch some commercials now.

When I set my mind to something, anything's possible.

Before you read that, you need to know one thing. I'm the one who's been throwing out your beige bras. Guys don't like beige bras.

Peter: Gretchen? Wow. You look great.
Gretchen: Yeah. I didn't have kids, so.

Peter: Is that the one where they make his dress in little shorts and hats like the guy from AC/DC?
Brian: Yeah. Why does he wear that outfit?
Peter: 'Cuz he rocks!

Here, we brought you guys an orchid from Trader Joe's, because we don't know or care about any of your interests.

Don't you understand what drinking means to us workin' stiffs? It helps us forget about our day and tell our children we love them with a straight face.

We want that drinkin' law gone, and everybody knows the best way to get any law struck down is to get the gays angry about it.

I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I can always look back on my life and say I went for it.

Yeah. Now I'm gonna stick my raw pasta in ya.

Sitting here all sober is more boring than watching a pot boil.

Getting alcohol when you're underage isn't as easy as Obama's daughters make it look.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley