Or you can pull the hose out of the bucket and let the hose run free.

There are gaps in my knowledge. This is hardly news.

The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.

Meg: Trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.
Peter: You do? How?

I can't go to jail. They'll razz me good on account of my belly.

What if God is a serial killer? He lowers the average lifespan of humans to 65.

I'm as creative as the first spider to spin a web.

Hey, Meg, I like your new boyfriend. Every pot finds a lid, huh?

We act like we didn't take a lot from The Simpsons, but we took a lot from The Simpsons.

Brian: Well I don't know if I'd label myself a drinker. I know I like a cold beer after I mow the lawn.
Peter: There were three lies in that sentence.

Peter: I missed you Brian.
Brian: I missed you too Peter.
Peter: And now Im gonna go upstairs and pee in Meg's bed.
Brian: No, we're going to go pee in Meg's bed.
Peter: Good boy.

Oh god how do you get pink-eye? This is got to be it!

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley