Michael: When I retire, I - I don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. I want to be the guy who gives everything back. I want it to be like: "Hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives?" "Umm, well, uh, I don't know. It was anonymous." "Well, guess what? That was Michael Scott!" "But - it was anonymous, how do you know?" "...Because I'm him!"


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The Office Quotes, The Office Season 1 Episode 4 Quotes, Michael Scott Quotes
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The Office Season 1 Episode 4 Quotes

Meredith: [reading birthday card] This one's from Michael, "Let's hope the only downsizing this year is that someone downsizes your age."
Michael: Get it? 'Cause of the downsizing. Rumors. And 'cause you're old.
Meredith: I get it.
Michael: Meredith is so old...(how old is she?) Meredith is so old, that when she went to an antique store, they kept her. I got that off the internet, it's not mine. Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called she wants her age back and her divorces back! Get it? 'Cause she's getting old, and she's been divorced what, twice?

I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself.

Michael
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