I'm giving you a non-electronic book made of paper from a tree. It is called Auto Repair Manual-1982. You will read this book from cover to cover then you will assist me in repairing the damage to my car. I will not report you to the judge but if you slip up again you will have much more to fear than some feeble government employee in a robe.


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[via Tweet] Just hit a fire hydrant, but I survived. #Unbreakable #WhatsMrGlassuptothesedays #whynosequel?


Tom: I don't want to put words in your mouth, but case dismissed.
Lawyer: And you were texting at the time, correct?
Tom: How dare you sir? I was tweeting!