Barney: I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: post-coital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlaps, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day The Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and, of course, wait for it, cause lord knows I have, pregnancy scares.
Ted: Why are you smoking right now?
Barney: I'm always pre-coital, Ted.

Rating: 4.9 / 5.0 (11 Votes)
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How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Episode 11 Quotes

Ted: Come on, take it to the roof, we said no smoking after you torched the throw rug doing push ups.
Marshall: Yeah, God robin. Not only is that a filthy habit... but can I bum one?

Robin: See my show?
Ted: I meant to watch it. I was just so busy with the being asleep thing, it took eight hours right down the drain.