Caroline: Dammit, I got a straight one.
Max: What makes you think he's straight
Caroline: He keeps pushing my head down before I'm ready.

The Pill's like 50 bucks a month, that's more than it costs to raise a damn baby.


Wait Max, can I hold the million? For just one more second I want to be upper middle class.


Deke, you can’t be my boyfriend. From now on, I’m like Welfare. You have to be broke to get some.


Han: Be careful, you’re the very first.
Max: We know how long you've been waiting to say that to a woman.

Max: I’ll be right back. If you mess up our batter, I’ll cut your thing off.
Deke: Sweet, I could stand to lose 5 pounds.

Deke: You were amazing. I love you.
Max: I love you too.

Max: If you ever interrupt me while studying…
Deke: And having sex.
Max: again, I will drop kick your baby powered ass back to the shire with the other hobbits.
Han: I told her.
Caroline: Did you?!

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You know, I once had sex on a bus and I was driving it. Oh...... were those kids late to school.


Sophie: I just heard two hobos getting freaking in the garbage.
Caroline: Sophie, that was Max and Deke.

Max: You live in a dumpster?
Deke: This is usually where the girl says she has to be up early tomorrow or calls the police. So do you have to go?
Max: Yeah. I have to go inside that freaking cool dumpster!

Max: I’m willing to throw 10-15 dollars at this thing.
Deke: You want to throw 15 dollars at my thing? Great! I usually charge five.

2 Broke Girls Quotes

Just because there is snow on the roof, doesn't mean there is not swing in the sling


You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.