Liz: Have you ever updated your Flash player? It is so sad. What happens to version 11.4?
Jack: Oh, what now?
Liz, yelling: I'm taking hormone shots to have a baby you son of a bitch!

Are you doping, Liz Lemon? That stuff will shrink your testicles, but there are bad side effects as well.

Tracy

Tracy: Point is, I won't be at rehearsal all this week.
Liz: No, Tracy!
Tracy: Exactly. No Tracy. Thanks for being so understanding.

Liz: You are not the center of the universe, Jenna.
Jenna: I am too. I'm the moon.

Colleen: My father did not kill dozens of Germans so that his daughter could die in a van.
Jack: But he wasn't even in the war.

I didn't trust that scout master. He was always wearing shorts.

Colleen

Liz: Listen Jenna, I didn't mean to steal your thunder.
Jenna: My whole life is thunder.

As long as she's in New York, I'm doing absolutely nothing. I got the idea from watching your President Obama the last four years.

Jack

The woman's constant disapproval of me will keep her alive...forever.

Jack
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