I love my mother, Lemon, obviously because of Stockholm Syndrome.

Jack

My grandfather's purple heart...it's terrible what alcoholism can do to the body.

Jack

Liz: Did you get my gift?
Jack: I assumed it was the bottle of wine with the card reading "Dear Doritos, what about just selling bags full of your dust? I could put it on chicken or fish..."

Wonderful news? The last time I said that was when my pet News learned the true meaning of Christmas. Classic Tracy. You'll miss this.

Tracy

Banks: How'd you get these DNA results back so fast?
Jack: I happen to have some very powerful friends at The Maury Povich Show.

Damn it! Why do I keep helping you? I'll just do anything for approval. I would have been a Nazi.

Liz

For every orphan Annie, there's a 30-year-old Russian dwarf who's just pretending to be a child, according to a movie that I watched part of.

Liz

Jack: How much time and energy have we wasted with our sparring and our gravel-voiced double entendre?
Banks: An ass-load.

Jack: You also know Jack Donaghy always wins, or have you forgotten the time we played Battleship? Remember A-8?
Devon Banks: You peeked!

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