30 Rock

30 Rock Season 1 Quotes (Page 8)

Season 1 Episode 4: "Jack the Writer"

Liz: That's it. I gotta talk to her about her clothes, she can't dress like that.
Pete: Well, yes, she can! People like the way she dresses!
Liz: Oh, c'mon. It's distracting, it's inappropriate.
Pete: You're inappropriate, you jerk, with your big stupid face!
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: Okay, this is gonna sound really weird. But, um, you need to wear a bra.
Cerie: Oh, no. I... I don't actually. They kinda just stay up on their own.
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: Um, yeah, okay. What I'm saying is you need to wear a bra to work if you wanna be taken seriously in this business.
Cerie: Oh, but I don't actually wanna work in television. Career-wise, I'm just gonna marry rich and design handbags.
Liz: Here's the thing. The way you dress is making some people around the office... uncomfortable.
Cerie: Really? Who?
 • Rating: Unrated

Pete: Oh my god! Wha... what are you wearing?!
Frank: You're making me gay.
Liz: It's a joke, obviously. I'm wearing this as a joke. Bunch of comedy writers don't know a joke, jeez. [goes to her office]
Frank: I just threw up in my mouth.
Liz: I said it's a joke!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: I hate going up to Donaghy's office even for something normal. I always feel like I'm entering the Death Star. I swear if Donaghy does this [does Darth Vader force strangle] at me, I'll run.
Pete: You'll be fine, Captain Needa.
Liz: No, Captain Needa dies. He dies!
 • Rating: Unrated

Tracy: But I want you to know something... You and me, it's not gonna be a one-way street. 'Cause I don't believe in one-way streets. Not between people, and not while I'm driving.
Kenneth: Oh, okay.
Tracy: So, here's some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: Live every week like it's Shark Week.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 3: "Blind Date"

Jack: Are you familiar with the Japanese art of Reiki?
Liz: No.
Jack: It is the laying on of hands in order to improve one's life.
Liz: How does your life improve? Do the hands have money in them?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: You're trying to bring logic to the Robot-Bear sketch?
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: Why does he always assume we're lesbians?
Gretchen: I am a lesbian.
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well, I'm straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jack: Poker night? How many play?
Liz: Oh, you're not going to come to our crappy poker night, are you?
Jack: No, I'm not going to come.
Liz: [relieved] Good!
Jack: I bluffed. I am coming.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: You are a puzzle, Kenneth Ellen, and I'm going to solve you. Yes I am.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: I can't believe you bet your wedding ring.
Pete: I know. Weird thing is... I had money left.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: Well it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. In five years we'll all either be working for him... or dead by his hand.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: Kenneth, why did you bet that terrible hand?
Kenneth: Why? Because I believe life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling and I got confused about the rules.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: What do guys like?
Frank: Porn.
Liz: No, I mean if you were to go on a date with a girl, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she was in a porn.
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 2: "The Aftermath"

Kenneth: Excuse me, Ms. Lemon, but, you're on the monitors right now, so...
Liz: Everyone in the building can see and hear me...
Kenneth: Yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: [to the writers] I didn't say anything about you guys that I wouldn't have said to your faces.
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: Mr. Donaghy, I sincerely apologize; I'm so embarrassed.
Jack: Well, I guess you must be embarrassed if you're hiding in the storage closet.
Liz: This is my office.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Jenna: Okay, that was beyond insulting. The guy doesn't even know my name. Why do you love him so much?
Liz: No, no, no, no, no. I don't love him, Donaghy loves him. That's it. Pete can't stand him, Toofer thinks he's an idiot, even Cerie says he's a pig.
Jenna: Frank likes his movies.
Liz: Yeah, Frank also loves that video of the monkey smelling his own butt ... Nobody wants Tracy Jordan here, except for certified non-genius Jack Donaghy.
 • Rating: Unrated

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