That lady you European-kissed last night was actually a gentleman.


Good lord! The worm ... that's so degrading. Are its origins German?


The crab is getting aroused. Shut it down. Shut it down!


Television on! Pornography!


Jack: Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap.
Liz: No, Jack. I don't want to learn about negotiation. I just want Josh to stay. The show needs him.
Jack: Lesson number one: you don't need anyone. Sure, Josh tests well with female viewers 12 to 24, which is important to advertisers because young women will buy just about anything.

These sunglasses have a chip in them that makes the lenses change color as my iPod loses power!


Liz: Wow, this is an... honor. I have a friend who is number four on Maxim's list of "The Sexiest Women in Comedy."
Jenna: Thanks. At first I was mad that Jessica Simpson was ahead of me, but then I saw The Dukes of Hazzard. Funny!

Remember that e-mail we got from those Nigerians who need our help getting that money out of Africa? We did it! I got the check today.


Liz: And by the way, what kind of a moron calls in sick and then comes to work to have a meeting?
Josh: I get an NBC discount here.
Liz: Idiot!

This ought to prove my mother wrong, saying Donaghy is Gaelic for failure. What the hell does she know, she's a Murphy; Bunch of mud farmers and sheep rapists.


Jack: Steven's good, man, he's on partner track at Dewey and he's a Black.
Liz: A black!? That's offensive.
Jack: No, no. That's his name. Steven Black... good family. Remarkable people, the Blacks, musical, very athletic, not very good swimmers. Again I'm talking about the family. Black is African-American, though.
Liz: Well I don't care about that.

Ridikolus: What's your game?
Kenneth: Boggle.

30 Rock Season 1 Quotes

Jack: Are you familiar with the GE tri-vection oven?
Liz: I don't cook very much.
Jack: Sure... I gotcha. New York, third-wave feminist, college-educated, single and pretending to be happy about it, over-scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says "healthy body image" on the cover, and every two years you take up knitting for ... a week.
Pete: That is dead on!
Liz: What, are you going to guess my weight now?
Jack: You don't want me to do that.

[to Liz] I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.