If I stop drinking all at once, I'm afraid the cumulative hangover will kill me.

Seriously, what is this, the Shire?


Well, how hard could it be...if Mexicans can do it?


Cheryl: You're all jealous of my fall-back career!"
Pam: As what, an ACTUAL acorn?

Kreiger: What is wrong with you people?
Pam: Ray's missing a hand!

Not you, you baboon-faced-baboon.


Ray: This quit being funny two hours ago!
Krieger: It's not supposed to be funny.

Maybe I didn't go to some fancy-pancy Ivy League med school, and maybe I didn't go to some other med school, even the one down in Grenada which was my fall-back but whatever, that doesn't give you the right to bully me! I have had it!


Cheryl: Mopeds are fun but you don't want to let your buddies see you riding one.
Pam: I thought he meant I was fuel efficient. I had only had 10 ten beers.
Cheryl: 40s?
Pam: NO.... yes.

And by the way, if I was a clone of Adolf goddamn Hitler, wouldn't I look like Adolf goddamn Hitler?!


That wasn't a brain chip. That was a just a sticker of the backpack of a little Lego spaceman.


Calderon: My father fought the rebels, and his father fought the rebels!
Cherlene: So, like a family business.
Archer: That manufactures oppression.

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?