Cyril: Why do we always have to share a room?
Ray: The sinister gay cabal, Cyril. You have fallen victim to the sinister gay cabal.

Obviously it's not heaven because Janis Joplin isn't giving me a rim job.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph Stalin! For the last time assholes, my name is....Shazam! How do you not remember that show?

Seriously, what is this, the Shire?


I will hire Kenny Loggins to play an acoustic sense while I slap some sense into you.


Japanese soldier: There are no buildings in the jungle big enough to hold a computer
Archer: No, they're really small now. I think you guys actually did that.

Anka: Are you going to throw that in my face the rest of my life?
Archer: Yeah, all four minutes of it.

Archer: Great idea, Cyril. Let's give an M16 to a bunch of wild Indians!
Ray: Goddamn, Huckleberry Finn!

Videotex? Wow, growth industry.

She's not gay, she just has big hands.

Cyril: So...why are we in our underwear?
Krieger: Meh...don't worry about it.

I can do baby or I can do geezer murder mystery but I can't do both!

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.