Archer: Oh my God! You killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a-
Archer: No Cyril, when they're dead they're just hookers!

Gandalf: I love your new hairdo, by the way.
Lana: Well if you like the collar, you're gonna love the cuffs.

Cherlene: Who the hell drilled my box?
Archer: So we're just done with phrasing, right, that's not a thing anymore?

Thank you, George Borewell, for that clunky analogy in defence of totalitarianism.

Obviously it's not heaven because Janis Joplin isn't giving me a rim job.

Archer: Pam, wait up! Get me drunk enough and i might have sex with you
Pam: Really?
Archer: No. It's a catch-22. The amount of alcohol I would need would literally kill me. But I do want to see how many pool balls you can stick in your mouth.
Pam: My record's three.

Seriously, what is this, the Shire?


One for three off the roof, bitch!


Gillette: Archer is drunk.
Malory: Who are you, Carrie Nation?

Malory: If we miss that taping, I won't be responsible for my actions.
Lana: Are you ever?

It's no secret agent, but it's way above architect.


I need my slightly-darker-black black suit.

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?