Popular Archer Quotes
Archer: Pam, wait up! Get me drunk enough and i might have sex with you
Archer: No. It's a catch-22. The amount of alcohol I would need would literally kill me. But I do want to see how many pool balls you can stick in your mouth.
Pam: My record's three.
Lana: What's your third biggest fear?
Archer: Brain aneurysm.
Lana: What's a brain aneurysm have to do with walking around in a swamp?
Archer: Nothing, it can happen anywhere at anytime, that's what makes it so terrifying.
Lana: Oh, so suddenly you don't have a death wish!
Archer: Lana, I've never had a deathwish, it's just that I don't believe that I personally even can die.
Lana: So how did you get the name Crash?
Crash: Oh it's a long story about me saving the lives of 8 other climbers right after an avalance
Lana and Ray (in unison): Sploosh
Archer: Oh my God! You killed a hooker!
Cyril: Call girl! She was a-
Archer: No Cyril, when they're dead they're just hookers!
Archer: What's his name?
Cheryl: Babou, but it should be buyer's remorse. Stupid thing's always sick.
Archer: In case you haven't noticed, this place is crawling with rebels.
Pam: And not the good kind you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach, and cruise the strip in the bed of their monster truck with a big rebel flag on it.
Archer: Wait - is that an extremely ill-phrased analogy about my penis?
Lana: Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, everywhen is about the paragon of adequacy that is your dick.
Ma, they done killed old Rando.
Do I look like I need bald guy cream?. Mikey, I can barely get a comb through this. It's so thick my barber charges me double.
Cheryl: Beep beep beep.
Pam: Oh, your giving me the truck noise, Karen Carpenter stunt double?
Cheryl: I'm sorry, I thought you were walking backwards.
Cheryl: It's Carol.
Archer: What? Since when?
Cheryl: Since I had it legally changed because you always call me Carol.
Archer: Wow, that's... excuse us.