Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
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Jesus, Mary and Joseph Stalin! For the last time assholes, my name is....Shazam! How do you not remember that show?

Lana: Right about here is the part where I hold you responsible.
Archer: Oh my God, the burden.

Malory: Ron, take me to lunch,
Ron: It's 8:30 in the morning!
Malory: A bar then, whatever!

FBI Agent: So if I were you...

Archer: You'd get laid a lot more?

Save it for the fast money round, Paddy.

If you'll excuse me, I have to remove my underwear with a blow torch.

Ray

One for three off the roof, bitch!

Barry

Speaking of excellence, did you hear we met a tiger? Then he got murdered.

Lana: If anything goes wrong, I'm holding YOU responsible.
Archer: Yeah, that'll teach me.

Cheryl: Why don't you go back to Jamaica?
Pam: A) Because I got deported.

Cyril: Why do we always have to share a room?
Ray: The sinister gay cabal, Cyril. You have fallen victim to the sinister gay cabal.

Sterling: I have an El Camino.
Ron: Oh so you're all set. That will hold way more hispanics and lawn mowers.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 541 in total

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.