Cyril: Only if you promise to periodically micromanage it and emasculate me.
Malory: Cyril. I would have thought that goes without saying.

Potato, po-treason, whatever.

The point is, we are highly trained covert operatives with an extremely dangerous set of skills. And since the government has unjustly accused us of treason, we are now forced to transfer those skills from espionage to criminal activity. Kinda like the A-Team. But we sell drugs

Archer: It's the A-Team meets Scarface. That makes me...uh...
Lana: Hannibal Montana?

Lana: If anything goes wrong, I'm holding YOU responsible.
Archer: Yeah, that'll teach me.

Lana: Right about here is the part where I hold you responsible.
Archer: Oh my God, the burden.

You'd be amazed what you people do when you think you're alone. Cyril.


Cyril: I'm sorry, the money is where?
Archer: Uh, in your masturbators, you idiot.

Cyril, go lock up the product before Cokey Monster here gobbles it all up.


Malory: Ron, take me to lunch,
Ron: It's 8:30 in the morning!
Malory: A bar then, whatever!

Somewhere in this mansion, I have to assume is a gigantic Scrooge McDuckian vault.


Malory: What, were the Hell's Angels busy?
Pam: Busy being pussies!

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?