Lana: Right about here is the part where I hold you responsible.
Archer: Oh my God, the burden.

You'd be amazed what you people do when you think you're alone. Cyril.


Cyril: I'm sorry, the money is where?
Archer: Uh, in your masturbators, you idiot.

Cyril, go lock up the product before Cokey Monster here gobbles it all up.


Malory: Ron, take me to lunch,
Ron: It's 8:30 in the morning!
Malory: A bar then, whatever!

Somewhere in this mansion, I have to assume is a gigantic Scrooge McDuckian vault.


Malory: What, were the Hell's Angels busy?
Pam: Busy being pussies!

Ah yes. The mind can, in fact, vomit.

Lana: Have you ever heard a country song?
Archer: Uhhh...Danger Zone?

Silence - yes! Aspire to that while I think of a plan.


I need my slightly-darker-black black suit.

Malory: Who uses Metric?
Lana: Every single country on the planet except for us, Liberia and Burma!
Archer: Really - cause you never think of those two as having their shit together.

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?