FBI Agent: So if I were you...

Archer: You'd get laid a lot more?

Archer: Since when?
Malory: Since this new thing called "always?"

Archer: I realize now that I was mistaken
Lana: Aww, what a scary new feeling for you.

Not as scary as having to live in "Casa de Addams Family" with you two!

Think cool thoughts, like eating mint chocolate ice-cream...in your refrigerated drawer...at the morg

God, how I envy the deaf.

Malory

Cyril: Only if you promise to periodically micromanage it and emasculate me.
Malory: Cyril. I would have thought that goes without saying.

Potato, po-treason, whatever.

The point is, we are highly trained covert operatives with an extremely dangerous set of skills. And since the government has unjustly accused us of treason, we are now forced to transfer those skills from espionage to criminal activity. Kinda like the A-Team. But we sell drugs

Archer: It's the A-Team meets Scarface. That makes me...uh...
Lana: Hannibal Montana?

Lana: If anything goes wrong, I'm holding YOU responsible.
Archer: Yeah, that'll teach me.

Lana: Right about here is the part where I hold you responsible.
Archer: Oh my God, the burden.

Archer Quotes

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

I swear to god you could drown a toddler in my panties right now.

Pam