Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBCFavorite Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes
Terry: Actually, I wanna record them. Maybe you can teach other precincts how to throw their own versions to boost morale.
Jake: No, I'm not a teacher! I'm a class-clown-slash-bad-boy with a heart of gold.
Amy: You're pretty hurt, huh?
Jake: Yeah! It's exciting. I'm the underdog now, like Seabiscuit. I mean sure I can't lift my arms but Seabiscuit won without even having arms.
Amy: What are you talking about?
Jake: I don't know, I fell. We're already married, it doesn't matter.
Holt: Everyone's a suspect.
Rosa: Except for Hitchcock and Scully. Whoever did it took the stairs.
They know the drugs are missing. They don't suspect me because I'm playing it super cool.
Debbie
Jake: So, he threatened you? That's why you went dirty?
Debbie: No. He offered me a million dollars. I had no choice. My dad is really sick and he needed this expensive experimental surgery.
Amy: It's my guide finger. It got paper burn.
Holt: Let me see. Santiago, you're hurt. Don't be a hero!
Rosa: I spent years telling myself that their tough love made me stronger, but you know what I really wish they'd done?
Debbie: What?
Rosa: Been nice to me. I wish they would've told me that I made a mistake, but they still loved me. And they would help me try to figure it out. It would've saved me a lot of pain. Debbie, you have made some really bad choices today.
Margaret: Really bad.
Jake: Not now, Debbie's mom.
Rosa: You are not a bad person. If we get out of this alive, I promise you I will help you however I can.
Hitchcock: See ya dorks, I'm gonna get some!
Jake: Well, Hitchcock still sucks!
Amy: Hey, did you get my sexy calendar invite?
Jake: You mean the one titled 8 pm coitus?
Amy: Yes, and the one titled 7:50 pm foreplay.
I love animals. I'm the mushy one on the squad.
Rosa
Terry: What were you thinking? Breeding guinea pigs at work?
Charles: We weren't breeding them on purpose. They're just very sexual creatures and we didn't want to slut-shame them!
Rosa: Yeah. Sorry, you're not more sex-positive Terry.
Jake: I just got outta jail. Five years.
Chuck: Tough sentence, what'd you do?
Jake: Elder abuse. Got my grandpa good, so.
Chuck: Damn, that's very upsetting.
