You took the wrong fluffy boy!

Holt

• Permalink: You took the wrong fluffy boy!
• Rating: Unrated

Charles: So my dad gets to be his Pop-Pop and I only get to be Charles?
Jake: Your dad does not get to be his Pop-Pop.
Charles: Well, I hope you're prepared to make that phone call.

• Permalink: Well, I hope you're prepared to make that phone call.
• Rating: Unrated

Guys, where did our dads go?

Jake

• Permalink: Guys, where did our dads go?
• Rating: Unrated

Rosa: That means we have to call the fire department.
Jake: Or we leave them in there forever and move on emotionally.

• Permalink: Or we leave them in there forever and move on emotionally.
• Rating: Unrated

Jake, I think it's very cool that you learned this, very progressive. Charles, I think you know you crossed a line.

Rosa

• Permalink: Jake, I think it's very cool that you learned this, very progressive. Charles, I think you...
• Rating: Unrated

Fireman: Don't worry, the fire department is on the job!
Holt: You hear that, Jeffords? We're gonna die in here! We're marked for death!

• Permalink: You hear that, Jeffords? We're gonna die in here! We're marked for death!
• Rating: Unrated

Dottie I really wish you weren't such a big part of my son's birth story.

Jake

• Permalink: Dottie I really wish you weren't such a big part of my son's birth story.
• Rating: Unrated

Kayla: Ugh, none of you are cute with the lights on.
Charles: You wanna play mean girl, Kayla? Let's talk about your bangs.

• Permalink: You wanna play mean girl, Kayla? Let's talk about your bangs.
• Rating: Unrated

Are we gonna be okay at this? This entire day has felt like a warning sign from the universe.

Jake

• Permalink: Are we gonna be okay at this? This entire day has felt like a warning sign from the universe.
• Rating: Unrated

Jake: Question: What is the number one problem with the coronavirus?
Rosa: Mass death, economic collapse, the way that the disease has exposed the systemic injustice at the core of American life?

• Permalink: What is the number one problem with the coronavirus?
• Rating: Unrated

Terry: Setting up a new business takes time. She's probably too busy to see friends.
Jake: And yet I have time to see my friends, and to be a father, and do my job, and straight-up crush it at Goat Simulator on my switch.
Amy: That's not something to be proud of.
Jake: Being a father is not something to be proud of, Ames? Wow, you've changed dude.

• Permalink: And to be a father, and do my job, and straight-up crush it at Goat Simulator on my switch.
• Rating: Unrated

Jake: You know, the system can still work sometimes when good people are involved.
Rosa: Is that why you want to help? So you can make some point about policing?
Jake: No, I'm not some point-maker. Shot-taker. Making girls hot like oats be Quaker.
Rosa: Hey man, your rapping --
Jake: Yeah, I had to see where it was going.

• Permalink: No, I'm not some point-maker. Shot-taker. Making girls hot like oats be Quaker.
• Rating: Unrated