Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBCFavorite Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes
Jake: The Parent Trap worked! I can't wait to tell the squad.
Terry: Wait, wait! Let me give Kevin an EpiPen, and then we can tell them together!
Jake: Okay, whoa, whoa, pump the breaks there, Sonic.
Terry: What?
Jake: Sonic the Hedgehog? You've been hogging that hedge while I was out on a ledge! You didn't have to deal with anyone saying it was a bad idea, so you don't get the credit either. This was a hundred percent all me, Doctor Robotnik.
Terry: Who?
Jake: Sonic's arch-nemesis! You've never played a video game or watched a movie, Terry?! Get a life, dude!
Jake: The call that you made was for a scarlet warbler -- a trash bird!
Holt: Okay, so you made your point. I'm a trash man who only knows trash birds.
Holt: The union is powerful, but I'm sure most of our uniformed officers understand this incident is nonsense. It is, as Peralta would say, no big whoop.
Jake: I appreciate the shoutout, sir, but I actually don't pronounce the h in whoop.
Terry: Sir, all the uniformed officers just left. They're staging a walkout!
Holt: Well, it seems I was wrong. The whoop is big, after all!
Scully: How is it possible that every single uniformed officer got sick at once?
Terry: They're not actually sick. They aren't allowed to strike, so they made up a medical excuse. It's called a blue flu.
Charles: All these notes are from the same doctor.
Jake: Everyone got a blood test, and they all had mono? That seems really improbable.
Charles: Yeah, nobody gets mono at this age. You get it as an eight-year-old, and then you're immune.
Jake: Wait, you get it as an eight-year-old? Mono, the kissing disease?
Charles: No, it's the cousins' disease. You get it by kissing your cousins. Oh, I guess we're both right.
Life is a cruel prank played on the living. Death mocks us all. Time to go tell my son he'll be an orphan. Again.
Charles
Holt: You look like garbage. Now, I know you're trying to tough this out, but I've always believed that true toughness means acknowledging your own limitations. It's okay, Terry. Go home.
Terry: Thank you, sir. I'll be back in a jiff.
Holt: I can't believe he bought that dribble. True toughness means working through pain. Everyone knows that.
Holt: Looks like we're adding a prong. Operation Trident is now Operation Fork.
Terry: Isn't there a cooler word than fork? I mean, something more like trident.
Holt: Oh, no. Did everyone assume I was trying to be cool? Is that why things are going so poorly? Damn it. I've gotta call Peralta.
Okay, well, I am scared that whatever's in my testicle has spread and that I'm gonna die. And then I'll never get to see Nikolaj grow up. And I won't know what kind of man he becomes. Also, my time with you will be cut short. So, no more stakeouts, or drinks after a long shift, or midnight calls when you've had a breakthrough in a case. I've always had this image of us in our nineties hunting down criminals at the retirement home. But I guess that was just a dumb fantasy. Because soon I won't be here anymore. Because I'll be dead and gone, and you won't ever see me again.
Charles
Terry: I got the proof we need to end the blue flu!
Holt: Wait, really?
Terry: Why so surprised? That was the plan!
Holt: Yes, but earlier I was talking to the squad, and I put a lot of pressure on this moment, which I then regretted. I feared I might be hoist on my own petard.
Charles: I mean, why would I want to go to town on Dianne Wiest when I can go to town with you?!
Jake: What?
Charles: Hang out! Go to town with each other. It's a common friendship phrase.
Jake: Haven't heard it.
Holt: I'm a realist. I knew I wouldn't be able to fix every problem, though I always imagined I could fix some of them. But as a realist, I can now see I haven't fixed a damn thing. The NYPD will never change.
Charles: Sir, if I may. When I thought I was dying, all I could think about was what a disappointment my life had been. But then, Jake went to town with me.
Jake: Common friendship phrase.
Charles: And it helped me realize you can't focus on the things you didn't do. Focus on what you did do, and more importantly, focus on who you did it with.
