Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Thursdays 8:00 PM on NBCFavorite Brooklyn Nine-Nine Quotes
Holt: So, here's what we didn't do this week. With fewer officers at our disposal, and none of them trying to hit CompStat numbers, we made fewer bad arrests. Number of complaints against officers down thirty-two percent. Number of cases thrown out of arraignment for insufficient evidence, down thirty-four percent. And here's the most important thing we didn't do. We didn't make the community less safe. Rates of major and violent crime, what actually matters? Stayed the same.
O'Sullivan: What are you saying?
Holt: I'm saying the Nine-Nine just became a case study for how a police force can work better with fewer police.
Terry: So, everything's back to normal?
Holt: No, the opposite. We're going to use what we learned this week to change the way the NYPD polices our streets.
Jake: Stupid Franzia is probably in his house right now trying to murder him and his family.
Amy: At least he's not here trying to murder me and Mac!
Jake: I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, Ames, but we both know you're grasping at straws.
Amy: No. None of us are scaling back. We can be good parents without sacrificing our careers. We just have to work as a team!
Jake: You know what? Yes, you're right, we got this! All we need is each other.
Amy: There's been a lice outbreak at daycare, and they're closing for the next two days.
Jake: What?! No! We need so much more than each other!
Jake: Amy! We know where Franzia is. We're gonna go arrest him; I need you to take Mac.
Amy: No, you need to take Mac; I have to go right now!
Jake: So do I! What do we do?
Amy: I guess we could call that creepy babysitter you like so much.
Jake: The babysitter is Franzia!
Amy: Even better! Two birds with one stone, we bring him to you!
Jake: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!
Amy: OH, GROW UP!
Jake: COME ON!
Amy: I look insane. What am I gonna do?
Terry: Okay, style over substance is clearly out. But if anyone can substance the crap out of this, it's Amy Santiago!
Amy: You're right; I can do this. Substance over style.
Amy: Ugh, this sucks! You didn't get to arrest Franzia; I didn't get to see Mac pull up. I guess we really can't do it all.
Jake: I don't know. I mean, you got to do the work thing, and I got to do the parent thing, so together, we could do it all.
Jake: Well, I, for one, am pumped to be going.
Terry: To a funeral?
Jake: I'm so bored, Terry. I've been suspended for eighty-seven days. Mac gets dropped off at daycare, and I just sit at home playing Animal Crossing! But no one will buy my bugs or fossils! I'm desperate for some normal human interaction.
Charles: Coffin delivery!
Jake: Okay, fine, it doesn't have to be normal or human. Any interaction will work!
Jake: Wait, what? Charles, we solved the case! He confessed!
Charles: It doesn't matter! I'm still not a Boyle. I'm just a normal person. Normal from snout to anus!
Holt: This time, we're pulling out all the stops; it will be a truly extravagant affair.
Charles: Oh, how extravagant are we talking? Champagne pyramid?
Terry: Destination wedding?
Jake: Celebrity officiant?
Holt: We got the salad forks! Can you believe it, a second fork?! Who do we think we are?! Oh no, you're shocked at how garish it is. Now I don't even want to tell you the other surprise I have in store for Kevin.
Jake: Wait, let me guess -- you're getting bread plates?
Holt: Don't be absurd; we're not crazy. No, the big surprise is I'm retiring from the NYPD.
Terry: Wait --
Charles: What?!
Jake: Why did you lead with the salad forks?!
Don’t worry; I know what I’m doing. I saw the first 15 minutes of The Hurt Locker.
Peralta
It is exciting, but there is no guarantee it will work. There's a lot of resistance to change. Nevertheless, it's our duty to try because if we don't; then we are truly lost.
Holt
