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Californication

Sometimes it's important to lie to children.

Hank

I think you might be more trouble than you look.

Faith

Masturbation is for the poor, the downtrodden, the silent unf-ckables.

Atticus

Becca: Do you guys mind if I crash here, do some writing? Maybe have a few people over?
Charlie: Whatever you need. I got alcohol, I got pornography, I got Pictionary.

Charlie: I never was the p-ssy eater you were.
Stu: You should have thought about it Charlie. Compensate for your sh-tty hang time and your serious lack of inches.
Charlie: Jesus! F-ck you Stu!
Stu: Sorry, just keeping it real.

Hank: Why are you living beyond your means?
Charlie: It's the only way I know how.

Hank: How'd it go buddy boy?
Charlie: I'm sitting in the dark in my underwear Hank, day drinkin'.
Hank: Got it.

Ken: How was the party last night?
Charlie: Ah well, guys in black leather, the smell of moist ass hair. What's not to like?

I still think you are mean, petty and vindictive, but I'm thinking maybe we should hate f-ck? Get the poison out?

Hank

I am the sh-t when it comes to making p-ssies pretty.

Marcy

Why you wanna rain on my gay parade?

Charlie

Why would I put some clothes on? This is the way baby Jesus made me.

Hank
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 319 in total

Californication Quotes

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou

Atticus: The woman that you love is out there and you know you can't have her. How do you even get up in the morning?
Hank: Well the booze is always helpful and so is the art. Everything that I write is either for her or about her. So I'm with her, even when I'm not.

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