Californication

Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime

Season: 5 4 3

Californication Quotes (Page 2)

Episode 3: "Boys & Girls"

Calvin: I felt what you needed. That's what brothers do for each other, they feel each other. You feel me?
• Rating: Unrated

Hank: Charlie is that a dildo in your pocket or you just happy to see me?
Charlie: I think I must have been reliving that pee thing, now it's just a shame boner.
• Rating: Unrated

Hank: Sometimes it's better not to touch your dreams.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Episode 2: "The Way of the Fist"

Hank: Really? You made a movie about a battleship? Man, just thanks for Aspen Extreme.
• Rating: Unrated

Peter Berg: You're a middle aged white guy. What the f**k do you know about black culture?
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kali: Will you stop calling me a f**king bitch please!
Samurai: Come on Ma, I was just peacocking baby.
Hank: She is a beautiful woman, true dat.
Samurai: What's with the use of all the urban patois man?
Hank: Hey its the ABC's of me baby.
• Rating: Unrated

Tyler: What? You don't want a man pound?
Hank: Not really, especially when you put it that way.
• Rating: Unrated

Becca: I'm not twelve, you can't bribe me anymore. Well you can, but you have to adjust for lifestyle and inflation.
• Rating: Unrated

Hank: Some girls are timid and lack focus, but you, you should be in porn.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Episode 1: "JFK to LAX"

Charlie: I made myself a promise and I kept it! My heart and c**k both swell with pride.
• Rating: Unrated

Samurai: I don't even know a mother f**ker's real name. I just call him Alfred and he snaps right to it.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Karen: He's like you but awesome.
• Rating: Unrated

Charlie: I missed yo black ass!
Hank: Later Masturbator.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: I've got a kind of bunny boiler situation happening, she's got a key to my place.
• Rating: Unrated

Carrie: It's just, you f**ked me in the ass Hank.
Hank: Oh, are we talking metaphorically? Because...
Carrie: No, I gave up the butt for you!
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0