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Californication

It's true I am kind of retarded, but I'm also kind of amazing.

Hank

A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.

Hank Moody

Movie Karen: Why does he love her so much? I mean what is it about her?
Hank: I don't know. I don't think I've ever known. I think sometimes you get it right the first time and then it defines your life. It becomes who you are.

Life is too short to dance with fat girls.

Hank Moody

To our beautiful family, our black President, and my magnificent dong.

Hank

I look like a fucking FBI agent.

Hank

Revenge is a dish best served with my dick.

Hank

You fucked me in the ass Hank! I swallowed your cum, but worst of all, I swallowed your fucking bullshit. And you can rationalize it all you want by saying you were always honest with me, but it's still stealing.

Carrie

Hank Moody get up off your ass and come with me. I'm going to play you the greatest song ever written in the history of the universe. After which we shall snort cocaine and have our ass-oles tongued by the angels.

Atticus

I won't go down in history, but I will go down on your sister.

Hank Moody

Carrie: It's just, you fucked me in the ass Hank.
Hank: Oh, are we talking metaphorically? Because...
Carrie: No, I gave up the butt for you!

It's about a guy trying to keep it together while falling apart.

Eddie
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 319 in total

Californication Quotes

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.

Tyler

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.

Lou
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