Favorite Californication Quotes
Eddie: You got me?
Hank: No, you represent everything I hate, but I do find you highly entertaining, continue please.
Come on back to bed. Let's californicate.
Hank
Carrie: It's just, you fucked me in the ass Hank.
Hank: Oh, are we talking metaphorically? Because...
Carrie: No, I gave up the butt for you!
Atticus: The woman that you love is out there and you know you can't have her. How do you even get up in the morning?
Hank: Well the booze is always helpful and so is the art. Everything that I write is either for her or about her. So I'm with her, even when I'm not.
Don't say mother fu-ker like that it makes me miss you.
Charlie
I feel like the good lord himself picked me up with his bare hands, laid me down on a bed of rusty nails, pinned my ankles behind my ears and just stuck it in. No Vaseline no lube no nothin. Not even a little spittle. That mother fu-ker just took his Darth Vader helmet, that big Darth Vader helmet and just rammed it home. He wrecked my pretty little virgin a--hole, my sweet little brown bud. Pulled out, came on my t-ts, wiped his di-k on the curtains and left me for dead. That's just me. How bout you guys?
Hank
Get a load of black Jesus, he turn water in whiskey too?
Hank
That's what happens in a relationship, you stop caring. The next thing you know the sex is sporadic, the blow job's bi-annual and ass play is out of the question.
Hank
Not only does the lady have bodacious ta-ta's she also has splendiferous taste in literature.
Hank
Karen: L.A. changes people.
Hank: Cities don't change people, people don't even change people. We are who we are.
Charlie: Any advice?
Lizzie: Just be yourself Charlie.
Charlie: And who is that exactly?
Charlie: In my advanced middle age I've learned one thing and that's ignorance truly is bliss.
Marcy: Oh God damnit, it's these hot young skanks with their tight pussies and their perfect tits! It's a fucking epidemic!
Charlie: That is so true! They can't be stopped, they're marriage killers.
