Now there is the surly mean spirited bastard I know and love. He's back!


Worst intervention ever.


Some crazy bitch tries to kill you, you defend her honor. Your best friend tries to help you, you punch him in the face?


I like my stink.


You're going to live to humiliate yourself another day.


Charlie: In my advanced middle age I've learned one thing and that's ignorance truly is bliss.
Marcy: Oh God damnit, it's these hot young skanks with their tight pussies and their perfect tits! It's a fucking epidemic!
Charlie: That is so true! They can't be stopped, they're marriage killers.

Your work is done Dad, I am who I am. I have to make my own mistakes.


No matter how beautiful the grounds this place is a zoo and I'm a wild animal.


Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.


Thanks for letting me be the crazy one for once.


The older I get the clearer it becomes that you two were the best thing to ever happen to an old fool like me.


They fucking love you to pieces you dumb shit, we all do. You just have trouble loving yourself.


Californication Quotes

Nobody likes you. You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny. Now smile, you f--cking douche!

Hank Moody

She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.