Popular Community Quotes
Professor Duncan: I never should have let you into this lab, Miss Annie Fanny, panties in a bunch
Annie: Oh that's so hilarious, did you think of that last time you skipped a trip to the dentist?
Shirley: Look, we can still hang out. It's just... we won't bag on people.
Shirley: Come on, Jeff, what are we going to talk about? My- kids? Your doctor career?
Jeff: I was a lawyer.
Shirley: See, I'm already bored
I'm not looking down on this school at all, but I'm only here because of a brief addiction to pills that I was told will help me focus, but they actually made me lose my scholarship and virginity
Annie
Troy: I'm president Obama's nephew
Abed: You never mentioned that before
Troy: I didn't know if I could trust you, but now it's time to tell you everything, starting with we invented the Ferrari
Professor Duncan: Good morning. How is student life, my dry-witted friend?
Jeff: Probably the same as teacher life, but less tragic, because I get to leave.
Professor Duncan: Very dry. Very witty. Not a great friend
Jeff: So I guess the cell phone number you put on the study group contact sheet was fake, which I just learned in the awkward conclusion of a month long text message affair with a dude from boulder
Britta: Sorry
Jeff: That's okay, just give me your real number and I'll cleanse my pallet while Kevin rethinks his marriage
If I'm gonna cheat, I'm not gonna write information from a book on a piece of paper, that's practically learning for God's sake
Jeff
Britta: I'm not gonna sit while some hokey tribunal gets its jollies judging me.
Jeff: Hey, if you show up with me, follow my lead, and deny everything, you'll walk. That's the Winger guarantee.
Britta: I get it. You think you're gonna save my bacon using your lawyer powers and send me into fits of grateful arousal.
Jeff: I can neither confirm nor deny that. See how good I am?
Professor Duncan: Not to be all particular, but you're not a professor
Señor Chang: Maybe because I don't look like Ron Weasley
Professor Duncan: That's the reason, that's the qualifying factor
Professor Duncan [to Señor Chang in shower]: I'm sorry, do you mind if we have this conversation in a room less with balls? [to naked man in shower]: Though i must say you're very comfortable
Señor Chang: You shouldn't be
Britta: You're just doing all this because you want to have sex with me, you don't even want to be my friend
Jeff: Wait a minute. Is that what you thought I meant? Britta, look at me
Britta: I am
Jeff: No, look how handsome my face is. If all I wanted was sex, I could get it from plenty of women without having to go through all this crap. I'm here because I like you and I'd be psyched to be your friend. I just didn't want to take sex off the table without doing my due diligence
The state bar has suspended my license. They found out my college degree was less than legitimate.
Jeff
