You're not worth the monologue.


Guys like you should be more scared, you trust-funded, body-spray, Eli Roth DVD-owner.


Britta: Why don't you sell him a pill that'll make him give up on his dreams?
Annie: Relaxarex doesn't make you give up on your dreams! That's a side effect!

Britta: I'm on sabbatical.
Troy: You're Jewish??

They're a rising star in pharmaceuticals. They invented fibromyalgia AND the cure for fibromyalgia


Maybe we should brainstorm fundraising ideas that AREN'T bake sales OR zoos where the humans are in cages and the animals come to visit.


After you left, it was closed for sentimental reasons. And also asbestos reasons.


Dean Pelton here, wishing you another magic year at Greendale--ranked America's #2 community college by


Repo man: Maybe you should have spent less money on special effects.
Jeff: Thanks a lot, Francis Ford Repo Man.

Evil Troy: I've been counting our bullets. One of us it out.
Troy: Is it you?
Evil Troy: Yes.
Troy: Why would you tell me that?

I passed all the classes, so now I just do yoga while the teachers write down my wisdoms.


Abed: "The Cape" was cancelled.
Evil Abed: Not here--they've re-tooled it for cable and it's awesome. Wanna see it?
Abed: Desperately.

Community Quotes

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

I need Purell for my brain.