Abed: I'm the super-villain. I'm emotionless, logical, smarter than everyone else--
Abed: If you like "Star Wars," why do you want to murder it and urinate on its grave? The prequels are terrible. I mean, seriously, wouldn't Chewbacca at some point go, "Hey, Yoda! I know that guy!"
Kid #1: He has double light sabers.
Abed: That's stupid. You're both stupid.
I'm out. I chang-ed my mind.Chang
Annie: Shirley, I'm speaking for both you and me.
Shirley: Then you might want to teach your mouth to say "we," "our," and "us."
I scolded Leonard today, so according to Greendale bylaws, I now have to grant him three wishes.Dean Pelton
Dean Pelton: Which is to say that having Jeffrey inside of me-
Jeff: No one was inside of anyone!
Dean Pelton: -was wrong. To have Jeffrey inside of me.
Shirley: Is this a bad time?
Dean Pelton (speaking as Jeff): I'm at Greendale, stuck in the body of a man who could be Gollum, so yeah, I'd say it's half past suck.
Maintenance Guy: Sorry, routine light switch check.
Jeff: That is not a thing!
Pierce: What do you want me to do?
Jeff: Stay alive...or don't!
Pierce: I'm on it!
Britta: So you just left your section blank.
Jeff: No, of course not! I copied and pasted the lyrics to "War (What Is It Good For)."
Jeff: It's Macallan 18. I like to serve it neat, if that's okay with you.
Professor Cornwallis: What, in America? Don't you mix it with cherry pop or Monterey Jack cheese?