Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar-town

Jules: If you're not going to talk to me, why'd you come back to my house?
Ellie: Cause I'm wet and I know you just recovered your couch.

I'm a very sensual person. I give off intense pheromones. That's why cats don't like me.

Ellie

Woh, never barge in on an eighteen year old with Internet.

Travis

Jules: Would you help us figure out who gets dibs on a guy.
Laurie: Well that's easy, which one of you is pregnant?
Jules: No one.
Laurie: Then I got nothing.

I put you in beer can jail for partying too hard.

Bobby [to Andy]

Oh god, I have heart burn in my brain.

Grayson

Bobby: Come on man, it's time to start living like you have a mustache.
Grayson: Now that's gibberish.
Andy: No, it's not. It means I have to ask myself the ultimate question, what would Burt Reynolds do?

Jules: I want to put that on a string and wear it around my neck.
Ellie: sweetie, when you say people's body parts are so adorable you want to wear them, it makes you seem a little serial killer-ey, especially when you do it about kids.
Jules: I'd love to have a scarf of little baby hands.
Ellie: See, that's not a great out loud thought.

Grayson: I wish I had a time machine to undo... you.
Laurie: I would also use it to go back and tell my aunt not to give my cousin up for adoption. We're pretty sure she's Dakota Fanning.
Grayson: Yeah, she's not adopted.

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 11 in total