Cougar Town
Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBSCougar Town Quotes
Laurie: Dale's not perfect, I mean it's not cool he forges Dan Marino's autograph for a living, but I think he really cares about me, don't you?
Travis: That depends, does he have your name tattooed anywhere on his body?
Laurie: He says he does but I haven't been able to find it
Travis: Well, Dad. I'll always be here. I love you
Bobby: Swing and a miss, Trav. Swing and a miss.
Jules: Alright great the bet starts now
Bobby [entering]: J-bird!
Grayson: Wow, point five seconds. I just went twenty dollars
Bobby: Sounds like I was involved, want to go splitsies?
Grayson: You can't stand to be along for a second can you?
Jules: That is ridiculous
Grayson: So why did you go out with father time?
Jules: Because I am a history buff and I haven't been in a car with only a lap belt in a long time
I'm happy about Bobby's new horn, the odds from my son dying in a golf cart accident went from definitely to probably
Jules
Listen half pint, I'm not gonna thank you for things you're supposed to do. If I did I'd have to start thanking you for killing bugs and supporting me
Ellie [to Andy]
When I want to end it with a guy, I sleep with his best friend... or brother. Brothers are good because if the guy was hot, chances are the brother is too. Best friends are a crap shoot.
Laurie
Travis: Hey, Josh, let's make a real effort to wear shirts around each other, okay?
Josh: Sure, do you think your mom like me?
Travis: I just woke up dude
Ellie: You totally had sex last night
Jules: How'd you know
Ellie: I'm your best friend, I know these things, plus there's a condom wrapper on your back
Jules: Oh, is it just the one?
Ellie: Good god, Jules
Laurie: There's nothing in your purse except three hundred dollars
Jules: That's five hundred, that's my half of a stupid bet bobby bet
Laurie: No, this feels like three hundred. My brother sold pot for six years
Laurie: Hey Grayson, if you were at a BBQ playing drinking games with your buds would you chug a girls beer and hug her sweetly from behind without trying to cop a feel if you weren't in love with her?
Grayson: Please stop coming to my bar
I haven't drank out of a red plastic cup since my wedding reception
Jules
