Cougar Town
Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBSCougar Town Quotes
I'm about to bring Kylie in so I need you all to act like normal human beings. I know it's going to be hard but I can help. Mrs. Torres, Kylie doesn't have an eating disorder, she runs cross country, so think of a new opening question. Mr. Torres, I don't care how much you eat, let's keep our pants buttoned. Laurie, your breasts are bigger than hers. There I said it, you don't need to tell her. Neighbor guy, I see you brought your fruity little guitar, let's keep that holstered. Mom, you have multiple problem areas so when it doubt just say to yourself that's a bad idea. Dad, I think we both know it's best if you don't say anything.
Travis
Ellie: Do you remember that great Thanksgiving blowup where your uncle mike got drunk and told your cousin she was invited.
Jules: She was fourteen and Korean, on some level she knew.
Grayson: So you're having the whole gang over turkey day, huh?
Jules: Well
Grayson: I don't really have any plans since my wife left and all our friends were pretty much her friends. And both my parents are dead....
Ellie: Did they die in the last six months?
Jules: No.
Ellie: Then who cares? Hand me my drink.
Jules: The sales after Thanksgiving this year are going to be insane. We're talking full on shopping orgy.
Laurie: We are gonna save so much money by spending.
Jules: Hey resort Trent, you're even cuter out of your uniform.
Trent: I'm gay.
Jules: Just go with it, Trent. Come on, I'm trying to scrape together a fantasy here. If I can be Resort Jules, you can be Straight Trent.
Trent: I was Straight Trent for sixteen years.
Jules: Great! What's another hour?
Grayson: Your mom said, "no girls."
Kylie: It's okay, I'll just get my stuff.
Travis: Do you know what her stuff is? It's flavored lip gloss and an over-sizes t-shirt for when she gets, quote, tired and snuggly.
That's the reason I got a Cabana! To avoid guys with barb wired tattoos.
Ellie
Regular Jules wouldn't do this, but Resort Jules says, "say hello to Tonya and her slightly smaller cousin Tina."
Jules
Laurie [to Jules for picture]: Arch your back and stick out your chest
Ellie: And say classy!
Here, I'm Resort Jules. And Resort Jules is fun. And she's crazy. And she refers to herself in the third person like a professional athlete.
Jule
Your dad convinced some tourist that he's a hunting guide, so not only can he not watch you, but he might end up dead.
Jules
You need to warn me when you're going to give me life advice so I can get out my notebook
Ellie [to Bobby]
