Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes
Larry: This isn't our food.
Cheryl: Did you check the order before you left?
Larry: Yeah, I did, but I decided to take the wrong food home. Thank you for inquiring
Larry: He implied that I was lying about my step-father.
Jeff: You don't have a step-father!
Larry: But I didn't like the implication
You throw in a "fuck," you double your laughs
Larry
Trick or treaters: It's Halloween, can we get some candy?
Larry: Yeah, it's Halloween but that doesn't mean you can go around to people's houses and bilk candy from them
Walter [to Larry]: Are you Jewish?
Larry: You wanna check my penis?
Walter: You know what you are? You are a self loathing Jew.
Larry: I do hate myself, but it has nothing to do with being Jewish
I didn't know it was going to be felony-or-treat
Larry
Larry: "Bald asshole?" That's a hate crime. We consider ourselves to be a group.
Police Officer: I'm bald and I'm not offended.
Larry: With all due respect, Officer Berg, you are not bald. You've chosen to shave your hair and that's a look you're cultivating in order to look fashionable, but we don't really consider you part of the bald community... with all due respect
Larry: I think I am just going to get a Cobb Salad. I'd like to make a few substitutions, if that's OK. I'll get... no bacon. No eggs. Bleu cheese on the side.
Cliff Cobb: Are you sure you want a Cobb Salad? Do you do that every time you order that salad?
Larry: Do you have a problem with it?
Cliff Cobb: It's my grandfather's salad. I'm a Cobb of Cobb salad fame.
Larry: I think that this is a real bullshit story
Larry: Wrestling's fixed.
Thor's kid 1: What do you mean?
Larry: All the matches are set up beforehand. The winners are all pre-determined. It's completely illegitimate.
Thor's kid 2: You mean it's fake?
Larry: Exactly, fake. That's exactly the word I'm looking for. Dad's kind of a big fake. You know what he is? He's more of an actor than a wrestler.
Thor's kid 1: Dad's an actor?
Larry: That's right. The whole thing's a big phoney boloney. Everybody knows that. Nobody thinks it's real. You tell him the bald turd said hello.
Susie: [Jeff] thinks I don't know about his porn stash! Take all this crap, he's gonna need it alone in the hotel!
Larry: He actually told me he doesn't want any of this stuff.
Susie: "Freak That Booty", "Big Ass Momma", all his favorites. Think I don't know about this crap?
[Larry looks at the cover of "Big Ass Momma"]
Susie: Oh, you're into this shit, too? You're into that kinky Big Ass Momma crap?
Larry: No! Are you crazy?
Susie: I thought you were a family man!
Larry: No, I thought I recognized that woman from the back
Wanda Sykes: Larry, you are an ass man!
Larry: I am not an ass man! I don't have an ass fetish! I am not obssessed with asses
