Popular Desperate Housewives Quotes
Danielle: Why can't we ever have normal soup?
Bree: Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree
John: So, why are we here? Why are we doing this?
Gabrielle: Because I don't want to wake up one morning with the sudden urge to blow my brains out.
John: Hey, can I have a drag?
Gabrielle: Absolutely not. You're much too young to smoke
Susan: How would you feel if I used your child support payments for plastic surgery?
Julie: You look fine.
Susan: If you could cut back to two meals a day, I could get a chemical peel
Gabrielle: It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.
Lynette: Even the limp ones aren't that ethical
Gabrielle: This table is hand carved, Carlos had it imported from Italy. It cost him $22,000.
John: So, you wanna do it on the table this time?
Gabrielle: Absolutely
My name is Mary Alice Young. When you read this morning's paper you may come across an article about the unusual day I had last week. Normally there is never anything newsworthy about my life, but that all changed last Thursday. Of course everything seemed quite normal at first. I made breakfast for my family, I performed my chores, I completed my projects, I ran my errands. In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day, quietly polishing the routine of my life, until it gleamed with perfection. That's why it was so astonishing when I decided to go to my hallway closet and retrieve a revolver that had never been used
Mary Alice
Rex: I can't believe you tried to kill me.
Bree: Yes, well, I feel badly about that
Mike: Actually, he was my wife's dog and one of the last things she said to me in the hospital before she died was to be sure I looked after him and I promised her I would.
Mary Alice [narrating]: And just like that Susan could suddenly see something she had never seen before.
Mike: He meant so much to her.
Mary Alice: Mike Delfino was still in love with his late wife.
Mike: And if something had happened I would have felt like I failed her. I know that sounds stupid but-
Mary Alice: And she knew right then that neither she nor Edie would be laying claim to his heart anytime soon.
Susan: No it doesn't. Not at all.
Mary Alice: So she decided, for now, she could settle for just being his friend
I don't care what her reasons were. Maybe she was depressed. Maybe she was bored. It doesn't matter. She abandoned her husband and her son, and I'll never forgive her
Paul [about Mary Alice]
John: Ah. This is great. I got tons of homework tonight. It's so easy to concentrate after sex.
Gabrielle: Well, I'm glad I could help. Education is very important
Susan was furious with Edie for using a dog to ingratiate herself with its owner. She was also furious with Mike for not seeing through this blatant maneuver. But most of all, she was furious with herself for not having thought of it first
Mary Alice
You're the one with the problem, all right. You're the one who's acting she's running for mayor of Stepford.
Andrew
