Mom, you're fighting for him. What guy doesn't like that?

Penny

Do me a favor and wait until I leave to restock the books. I can't cry again today.

Gaby

You're here. You're queer, and I'm used to it.

Bree

I'm not going to waste a plus one at my wedding unless it's serious.

Renee

As much as death takes from us, it also gives. It teaches us what is truly important, like giving back after a lifetime of taking, going after something we should have never let go of, or looking on to what made us who we are.

Mary Alice

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.

Mike

Carlos: Hey babe, I'm in the middle of something.
Gaby: Obviously not shaving or putting on deodorant. You look like a terrorist.

It's like royal wedding with a hint of slut.

Gaby

I don't know how to tell people what kind of man Mike was... what kind of father, husband and friend he was. I just never thought I would have to sum up his life before he was done living it.
 

Susan

We all take the gift of life for granted, if only we could slow things down because before you knew it, the gift is gone.

Mary Alice

What are you doing? That's my suicide pie!

Mrs. McCluskey

No, I can't kill you today. I have Pilates.

Bree

Desperate Housewives Quotes

Dr. Barr: Hey there. I was surprised to hear you wanted a session.
Bree: Well, there's nothing like being tied to a bed to change a girl's mind.
Dr. Barr: What do you wanna talk about?
Bree: Anything at all. As you said, I...I have a lot of issues.
Dr. Barr: Well, I assumed as much when you told the ridiculous story about your daughter running off with a murderer.
Bree: Saw right through that, did ya?
Dr. Barr: Well, I'm a trained professional, Bree. The human mind is my playground.
Bree: Well, I'm glad that you're having fun.

(to dead body) "Tu me manques, Monique" ("I Miss You Monique").

Orson