Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives Season 1 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 1 Episode 13: "Your Fault"

Rex: What do you say Bree, do we send the vultures home?
Bree: I want to keep the club membership. Rex is terrible at tennis and hates buffets
 • Rating: Unrated

Paul: We need to talk about these things that you think you remember. They're not true.
Zach: How can they not be true?
Paul: Memories lie, Zach. You didn't kill anyone. Dana is very much alive
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice Young: Sooner or later, the time comes when we all must become responsible adults, and learn to give up what we want, so we can choose to do what is right. Of course, a lifetime of responsibility isn't always easy, and as the years go on, it's a burden that can become too heavy for some to bear. But still we try to do what is best, what is good; not only for ourselves, but for those we love. -Zach and Julie interlude-. Yes, sooner or later, we must all become responsible adults. No one knows this better than the young
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gabrielle: Obviously I'm not leaving my husband and marrying John.
Bob Rowland: I think that's wise
 • Rating: Unrated

Lynette: So here's the thing. I feel really awful about how I acted before.
Tom: For god's sake, you threw me out of my own house.
Lynette: I overreacted, I'm sorry
 • Rating: Unrated

Zach: Hey. You know that Julie is the first girl I ever gave a flower to?
Susan: Really.
Zach: Yeah. Yeah, I really like her, Ms. Mayer
 • Rating: Unrated

Gabrielle: John, you're a toy. A sweet dumb toy. So you might as well go to college, because there's nothing between us
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Listen, I know being dramatic is the birthright of every teenager, but come on...
Zach [throwing furniture around]: WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING!!?? DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
Susan: (harshly) Thank you, Zach. You have just made this really easy for me. You are now forbidden from seeing or talking to my daughter ever again! And if you come within ten feet of her, I will call the police, and I will have you arrested! Now get out!
 • Rating: Unrated

Rex: Hey!
Bree: I'm not speaking to you.
Rex: Didn't like the settlement talks, huh?
Bree: You only demanded the good china because you know I love it.
Rex: You take our timeshare in Aspen, and I'm vindictive? Come on! You'll hardly ever use that place!
Bree: Hardly? How about never!
Rex: I mean, fine. When I move out, I'm going to use your good china for take out food. Yeah. Pizza, spare ribs...
Bree: You know what? At our next settlement talks, I plan on asking for your golf clubs!
Rex: Isn't divorce fun?
 • Rating: Unrated

Bob Rowland: John surprised us last night when he announced he was turning down his college scholarship.
Helen Rowland: Instead, he's decided to expand his gardening business. Mow lawns full time.
Gabrielle: Well, why, uh, why would he do that?
Helen Rowland: We don't know why. Do you think we'd be talking to you if we did?
Bob Rowland: You'll have to forgive my wife. She's still upset over the whole, um...
Helen Rowland: Statutory rape thing
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: There is a look that parents of well behaved children, give to the parents of the not so well behaved. A look that says 'you should learn to control your kids. After all, they're your responsibility'. Of course, it was easy for Susan to feel smug with a daughter like Julie. She always brought home straight A's. She was helpful around the house. She was bright, affectionate, and considerate of others. To her mother's way of thinking, Julie was the perfect child. Unfortunately, Susan was about to discover that no such creature existed. There is also a look that parents of not so well behaved children give to parents like Susan. It says, "welcome to the club"
 • Rating: Unrated

Rex: So, have you seen Bree lately?
George: Yeah, I ran into her last night at the diner on Maple Avenue. We had a nice talk.
Rex: That's all you did? Just talk?
George: We're just friends, Dr. Van de Kamp. Nothing more.
Rex: That's good to hear. You know, if you ever do get a vibe from Bree that she's interested in more than just friendship, I'd be careful if I were you.
George: Excuse me?
Rex: I just want you to know that she'd only be using you to even the score with me. Don't fall for it.
George: Bree would never do anything like that. She's a lady.
Rex: Exactly. A very beautiful, classy lady. Remember, they tend to end up with doctors, not pharmacists.
George: Bree is very beautiful, and very classy, but she's not very perceptive. For instance, she thinks you're a good person, and it is now very clear to me you aren't
 • Rating: Unrated

Zach: Ms. Mayer! Hey, is Julie home?
Susan: She's in the shower.
Zach: Oh. Well, I just came by to give her some good news.
Susan: What's that?
Zach: Well, it turns out my Dad and I aren't moving after all.
Susan: What?
Zach: Yeah. He reconsidered, so I guess we're going to keep living across the street.
Susan: Okay. Wow, uh, wow. You know, uh, can you sit down? I need, uh, to talk to you
 • Rating: Unrated

Julie: Mom!
Susan: What is going on here? Were you just kissing my daughter?
Zach: I...uh...a little.
Susan: What are you thinking?
Julie: Mom, calm down.
Susan: She's only fourteen!
Zach: Yeah. I should, I should probably be going.
Susan: You think?
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: Suburbia is a place filled with responsible people trying to live responsible lives. Of course, even the most responsible among us, has mistakes in their past. Mistakes they'd like to forget. Mistakes that sometimes come back to haunt them
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: It was my first week in college, and I went to a meeting of the Young Republicans, where Rex gave a speech and I went up to him afterward and introduced myself and told him that I agreed with his stance on the death penalty, and he took me out to a diner and, uh, we stayed up until 2 in the morning talking about big government, gun control and illegal immigration. (sighs) It was just... it was just such a magical night
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 12: "Every Day a Little Death"

Edie: I'm not talking about Martha. I'm grateful to you.
Susan: Me?
Edie: Yeah, I've been such a bitch to you over the years, and here you are, rowing me out to dump her ashes.
Susan: Well, it's, it's really no, no big deal.
Edie: Yes, it is. You stepped up when nobody else would. And here I am, thinking you have an ulterior motive. God, Susan, you're such a good person. And I'm such a bitch!
Susan: Well, Edie, you're not that bad, and, and, and believe me, I'm, I'm not that good.
Edie: Oh, yes you are.
Susan: Oh, please don't do this.
Edie: Martha may be gone, but the good Lord above has shown me that I'm not alone
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Felicia: Look at them all. Vultures. Pretending to care when all they really want are the sordid details.
Police Chief: I don't know, I think they just want to show their support.
Felicia: Please. Human beings feed on misery
 • Rating: Unrated

George: He cheated on you. You said you were going to hate him forever.
Bree: You shouldn't listen to a woman who's just had her heart broken. We tend to lie
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mary Alice: Martha Huber waited her whole life for something to happen to her, something exciting. As a child, she hoped to be kidnapped by a band of pirates. As a teenager, she dreamt of being discovered by a Hollywood talent scout. As a young woman, she fantasized that a handsome millionaire would sweep her off her feet. But the years had flown by, and still, nothing exciting had ever happened to Martha Huber. Until the night she was murdered. In those last moments, it occurred to her, in addition to being boring, life could also be very cruel. Luckily for Mrs. Huber, death was far more merciful
 • Rating: Unrated

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