Gabrielle: Look, you really want to get back at him? Then kiss me.
John: How's that going to help?
Gabrielle: Because one day, when the time is right, I'm gonna tell him how he drove me right into your arms. And that's gonna kill him. And tonight, just whatever you do, don't call me beautiful.

Bree: Porter, what did I tell you?
Porter: But I'm hungry.
Bree: Well, then, I will fix you a very nice bowl of peaches and cottage cheese.
Porter: Ew, barf.
Bree: Don't be common, young man

Gabrielle: What's that?
Carlos: It's called a post-nuptual agreement. It's a legal document that...
Gabrielle: No, I know what a post-nup is. What is it doing on my coffee table?
Carlos: Well, I can forgive that stunt you pulled with the settlement check...if I'm sure that you're really going to be around when I get out of jail.
Gabrielle: And the post-nup changes the terms of the pre-nup. So...
Carlos: So if you try to divorce me while I'm gone, you get nothing.
Gabrielle: You don't trust me?
Carlos: I'm afraid not

There were many things Gabrielle Solis knew for certain. She knew red was her color. She knew diamonds went with everything and she knew men were all the same. But the one thing Gabrielle knew above all else...she would never want children. Unfortunately for Gabrielle, her husband, Carlos, felt differently. Yes, Gabrielle Solis knew without a doubt she didn't want to be a mother, but what she couldn't know was just how much her husband wanted to be a father, or that he'd been tampering with her birth control for months. Or that within one week's time, she'd be pregnant

Mary Alice

Children come into the world with their own agendas. Some to brighten our days, some to test our patience, some to give us purpose, some to take care of us. Yes, when they come children change everything. Especially when they're not invited

Mary Alice

Tom: Lynette, the kids are getting older and they are getting smarter. Soon, they're going to realize that they outnumber us and, then...
Lynette: We're screwed.
Tom: Exactly

Gabrielle: What?
Carlos: You never liked Mama.
Gabrielle: Well, it's awfully hard to like someone who actively hates your guts. She always thought you married beneath you and she let me know it.
Carlos: She loved you.
Gabrielle: She treated me like trash! God rest her soul.
Carlos: I'm putting my mother in the grave. Now is not the time to pinch pennies.
Gabrielle: Carlos, we're not exactly flush with cash right now. Let her be true to her roots. She was born humble and barefoot.
Carlos: She was a queen

Think about how good men are at lying on the spot. Imagine if you gave them time and a pen

Bree

Edie: Susan, you know I try. I try to look past your flaws, your klutziness, that, that faux vulnerability, your hair, but you look for ways to push my buttons.
Susan: He just wants to buy me a burrito

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