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Lynette: Tom, am I a bad person?
Tom: No, why would you say that?
Lynette: I don't know. I guess I just have it in my head that only bad people break up marriages and offend the handicapped.
Tom: Well, I did try to warn you.
Lynette: You did. Why do I do it? This compulsion to stick my nose where it doesn't belong. I mean...
Tom: You were just looking out for your friend.
Lynette: Yeah, a lot of good it did her.
Tom: At least you tried. I admire you for that.
Lynette: Oh, please.
Tom: Hey, I'm the guy who let Dennis badmouth his wife because I was afraid of making a scene. But you, you knew it was wrong and you let him have it.
Lynette: That's me. Never afraid to create a scene.
Tom: My point is you have a strong sense of what is right and you are not afraid to act on it and I admire you for that.
Lynette: You know what I admire you for? You find a way to compliment me when you could say "I told you so". (leans over and kisses Tom. Tom signs something to her) You just signed "I told you so", didn't you?
Tom: You'll never prove it

In the Coma Ward at Sacred Heart Hospital, the dreams begin just after midnight. The pitch black of night gives way to vivid images that comfort the dreamer until the morning. Gus, the custodian, dreams of someday winning the lottery and quitting his thankless job. Howard, the security guard, envisions a luxurious retirement in the tropics. Ruth Ann, the night nurse, fantasizes about leaving her husband. But the most vivid dreams of all belong to the patient in Room 312. Yes, Juanita Solis had been dreaming steadily for five months. Sometimes of the shocking secret she had uncovered. Other times, she dreamt of the accident that had put her in the hospital. But her most common dream was the one in which she finally told her son the truth. And then one night...Juanita Solis decided it was time to wake up. Even though she knew she was about to die, Juanita didn't care. The truth was finally going to come out. Sadly for Juanita, this was one dream that would never come true.

Mary Alice

We all honor heroes for different reasons. Sometimes for their daring, sometimes for their bravery, sometimes for their goodness. But mostly we honor heroes because at one point or another, we all dream of being rescued. Of course, if the right hero doesn't come along, sometimes we just have to rescue ourselves

Mary Alice

Bree: Rex, if you walk out of this restaurant, I will scream.
Rex: Bree...
Bree: I will scream... about your cruelty. Then I will scream about your infidelity. And just to make sure it really hurts, I will scream about your distasteful sexual habits. You want to know what true humiliation is, you just take one step

Susan: Do you believe in evil Edie?
Edie: Of course I do, I work in real estate

Good friends offer to help in a crisis; great friends don't take no for an answer

Bree

Every time we went out for pizza you could have said, "Oh, and by the way, I once killed a man." Or when you said, "Hey, let's go jogging," you could have said, "Wow, by the way, I once killed a man." Every time we went to the movies and the hero shot the bad guy you could have turned to me and said, "Oh, by the way, I did that once." You didn't!

Susan

As I see it good friends avoid each other after being humiliated, but great friends pretend nothing happened in the first place

Gabrielle

My necklace! Oh, you know, I lent this to Martha three months ago, and she said that it went down the drain. Oh, I miss how we used to steal things from one another

Edie

Edie: I was just about to give a Maisy Gibbons update.
Lynette: Guys, we should be ashamed of ourselves for reveling in that woman's misery. That being said, Edie, please continue

So, what are we looking for, exactly? An embroidered pillow that says "I killed Martha Huber?"

Edie

Throughout even the most respectable of neighborhoods, you can hear the sound of scandal. Some scandals announce themselves with a shout. Some with a whisper. And some with bang. And once in a great while, there comes a scandal so deliciously sordid, its roar drowns out all other noise. Yes, the scandalous arrest of Maisy Gibbons would soon prove to be the shot heard 'round the world

Mary Alice
Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 222 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 1 Quotes

Lynette: Now listen to me, you are going to behave. I will not be humiliated in front of the entire neighborhood. And just so you know that I'm serious, I am. (She pulls out paper)
Porter: What's that?
Lynette: Santa's cell phone number!
Preston: How'd you get that?
Lynette: I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf. And if any of you acts up, so help me I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas! All right, are you willing to risk that!?

You're the one with the problem, all right. You're the one who's acting she's running for mayor of Stepford.

Andrew
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