Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes
Gabrielle: What's so funny?
John: Me and my friend Justin had this bet. See who could lose their virginity first this summer at Bible Camp. Guess I beat him to the punch.
Gabrielle: You were a virgin?
John: So it didn't show?
Gabrielle: Oh, no. No, I mean, I guess it was, well, weird when you started naming the American presidents in order.
John: Ah, I wish you hadn't heard that. I was just trying to...
Gabrielle: No, no, you were good. Just, if it comes up in school, Paul Revere was never president.
Gabrielle: Carlos, you promised you'd come home today. Well, I don't care what Tanaka wants! Rattling around this stupid house all by myself is not what I signed up for! No, no, no, don't hang up on me. I'm not done yelling at you!
John: Mrs. Solis, how are you?
Gabrielle: The best you've ever had.
Bree: Oh! Does anybody ever call you "Alfie"?
Alfred: No.
Bree: And why should they? So, um, Alfred, I was wondering if you could maybe loosen my restraints. They're incredibly tight, and I'm sure there are no rules against making me more comfortable.
Alfred: Do you think I'm stupid?
Bree: I beg your pardon?
Alfred: Two seconds after I loosen these little restraints, you'll try to scratch my eyes out and make a run for it. Well, I'm not falling for it, you psycho little bitch. In fact, I hope they keep you tied up for the next month 'cause I'd get a real kick out of watching a prissy little whack job like you lying in your own filth. Know what I mean?
Bree: Excuse me. Do you have the time?
Alfred: Yeah, it's just after 8.
Bree: Oh, I was afraid of that.
Alfred: Afraid of what?
Bree: Well, I'm only supposed to be restrained until 7. You see, I have a problem with sleepwalking. They just tie me up so that I don't wander off and hurt myself.
Alfred: Yeah, well, I'm sure a nurse will be in here soon.
Bree: Have they rung up your prescription yet?
Rex: No, they're getting it right now.
Bree: Good, add that on.
Rex: You're dying your hair honey wheat blond?
Bree: Oh, it's not for me, it's for Danielle. That hair is going back to the color god intended.
Rex: You actually think she's gonna sit still as you towel this through her hair?
Bree: Oh, I will tie her down if necessary. I'm also thinking of checking her body for piercings while I'm at it.
(flashback scene at the pharmacy Bree is having a conversation with Rex and involves the pharmacist)
George Williams: My mother took a firm hand with me and I thank her
for it.
Bree: Exactly! And look how well you turned out. (huge smile)
(Into her phone) Hey, it's just me again. Um... when you got the invitation, I thought that you gave me the thumbs up, but I guess if that was actually... some other type of finger gesture, uh... well, I apologize for leaving you all these messages and wasting your time.
Susan
Bree: Orson.
Orson: Oh, hey. I wanted to come by and see how you were doing after your great escape and, uh, these are for you.
Bree: How sweet and... unexpected. Do you wanna come in?
Orson: I'd love to.
Paul: You have to talk to Noah.
Zach: But he creeps me out.
Paul: Who cares? This is my life we're talking about. I need a big-time lawyer in my corner, and where else are we gonna get that kind of money?
Zach: Noah's not gonna give me a dime if he knows it's for you. He hates your guts.
Paul: Tell him it's for you. Tell him you want a car. Tell him you're ready for him to buy your love. Trust me, dying men are nothing if not sentimental.
Zach: Why do you need so much, anyway? I thought only guilty men needed expensive lawyers.
Paul: Felicia has obviously been planning this for months. Who knows what other kind of evidence she's planted? With my luck, they'll open up the Martha Huber murder again, try to nail me with some D.N.A.
Zach: You swore to me that you had nothing to do with that.
I met Bree Van de Kamp the first day she moved to Wisteria Lane. There are certain people, who, when you meet them, can't help but make a delightful first impression.
Mary Alice
Lynette:Hello?
Susan:was just here. I think you should call him.
Lynette:I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't.
Parker:Mom!
Lynette:Yeah. Hang on. I'll call you later. Okay, bye.
Susan: Hey, what's going on?
Mary Alice: Oh, um, this is our new neighbor. It seems her son accidentally took my garden frog.
Susan: Oh.
Bree: Please don't make excuses for him. That is exactly what his father does. Rex!
