Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 2 Episode 23: "Remember (1)"

Rex: We're not weird, we just seem like we are.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: We all met Lynette Scavo the day she moved on to Wisteria Lane. We quickly decided she would be our friend. Mostly because we were afraid to have her as an enemy.
(Tom and Lynette are arguing loudly.)
Lynette: This is perfect because we need some impartial judgement. Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant, begged you and out of the goodness of your heart you agreed to a baby. Even though it might derail your career, you agreed to a baby. A baby, singular! Then, then you go in for an ultrasound and you hear two heartbeats, then and only then does your husband tell you that twins run in his family. So I ask you: do I not deserve to punish this man severely?
Susan: Well, I think that twins are genetically determined by the mother.
Lynette: What are you?! A scientist?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Oh, hi. I have a normal baby.
Mary Alice: I'm Mary Alice. I live across the street.
Susan: Susan Mayer. Thank you so much. If my husband had to rescue me, I just, I would have never heard the end of it. He thinks I'm a total klutz.
Mary Alice: Oh, please, that's what neighbors are for. Well, welcome to Wisteria Lane. When you're finished unpacking, why don't you come over for a cup of coffee?
Susan: Oh, wow! I have a neighbor who just asked me over for coffee. I'm sorry. You must think I'm a lunatic.
Mary Alice: Oh, no, no, I don't. I think you're charming. And your baby looks like a genius to me.
Susan: Oh, she is and we're gonna be so happy here. (gasps to Julie) Look at your new home.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gabrielle: Honey, look. I bought us matching golf outfits for our lessons tomorrow.
Carlos: Yeah, about that-I can't go. I gotta pick up trash on the freeway.
Gabrielle: I'm sorry?
Carlos: I have to do my community service. It's part of my parole, remember?
Gabrielle: Oh, okay, well, I'll just call the country club and cancel our lessons.
Carlos: No, no, no. I am...I paid already. Might as well go without me.
Gabrielle: I don't wanna go alone. It was your idea in the first place.
Carlos: And I'd love to be there with you, too, if I didn't have to scrape slushies and condoms off Route 57. Look, what's the big deal? Just go take the stupid lesson.
Gabrielle: Fine, if you feel that way about it. Hey, I'm sorry. I'm just a little on edge today.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carlos: Would you look at this crap? He has been doing that all day.
Gabrielle: Ralph has a little crush. So?
Carlos: So can't I get a gardener who isn't trying to sleep with someone in my house?
Gabrielle: You pay six bucks an hour. it's all about the perks, honey.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: Susan, have you talked to Lynette.
Susan: Uh, no. Have you tried her cell?
Tom: Yeah, she isn't picking up. Do you know where she is?
Susan: Oh, no, I'm sorry.
Tom: Susan, I think you do.
Susan: Really don't, Tom. Is everything okay?
Tom: Yeah. Yeah, we just had a fight. Listen, if you talk to her, will you please ask her to call me? Thank you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lynette:Hello?
Susan:was just here. I think you should call him.
Lynette:I can't. I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't.
Parker:Mom!
Lynette:Yeah. Hang on. I'll call you later. Okay, bye.
 • Rating: Unrated

Paul: You have to talk to Noah.
Zach: But he creeps me out.
Paul: Who cares? This is my life we're talking about. I need a big-time lawyer in my corner, and where else are we gonna get that kind of money?
Zach: Noah's not gonna give me a dime if he knows it's for you. He hates your guts.
Paul: Tell him it's for you. Tell him you want a car. Tell him you're ready for him to buy your love. Trust me, dying men are nothing if not sentimental.
Zach: Why do you need so much, anyway? I thought only guilty men needed expensive lawyers.
Paul: Felicia has obviously been planning this for months. Who knows what other kind of evidence she's planted? With my luck, they'll open up the Martha Huber murder again, try to nail me with some D.N.A.
Zach: You swore to me that you had nothing to do with that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: I met Bree Van de Kamp the first day she moved to Wisteria Lane. There are certain people, who, when you meet them, can't help but make a delightful first impression.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: Hello. I'm Bree Van de Kamp, your new neighbor. Is this your frog?
Mary Alice: Yes. Why?
Bree: Well, it seems that my son stole it from your yard.
Mary Alice: Oh, well, I don't mind. If he likes it so much, he's welcome to keep it.
Bree: Well, don't tell him that. If he doesn't feel guilty he'll never learn shame.
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Hey, what's going on?
Mary Alice: Oh, um, this is our new neighbor. It seems her son accidentally took my garden frog.
Susan: Oh.
Bree: Please don't make excuses for him. That is exactly what his father does. Rex!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: This is my husband Rex.
Rex:Hi. We're not weird. We just seem like we are.
Bree: And this is my son... the criminal. Go on.
Young Andrew: I'm sorry I stole from you. Just so you know, my mom did teach me right from wrong, so my actions should in no way influence your opinion of her as a parent.
Susan: Wow.
Bree: Well, is there anything you'd like to say to my son?
 • Rating: Unrated

Rex: Feel free to be harsh.
Mary Alice: Um, No, I'm... I'm good.
Bree: Well, now that we've finished with all this unpleasantness, I want to assure you that we are going to be good neighbors, and I hope in time, great friends.
Mary Alice: That sounds... lovely.
Bree: (to Andrew) Come on.
Mary Alice: Oh, wait. I'm--I'm sorry. It was Rex, Andrew and... what was your name again?
 • Rating: Unrated

Orson: Bree?
Bree: What?
Orson: You're Bree Van de Kamp, right?
Bree: Do I know you?
Orson: Orson Hodge. Uh, Susan's dentist friend. We met after her house burned down.
Bree: Oh. I'm so sorry. I didn't recognize you.
Orson: Small world, huh?
Bree: Yes. Uh, excruciatingly so.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: What are you doing here?
Orson: Well, three or four times a week, I visit my--my friend. What about you?
Bree: Oh, I just thought it would be a lovely place to take a nice, long rest.
Orson: Oh.
Bree: Um, listen, I told my friends that I was, um, I was at a spa, so if you run into Susan, I...
Orson: Your secret is safe.
Bree: And seriously... (lowers voice) I am not like these other people.
Orson: Oh, I can tell. A real lady always stands out in a crowd.
Bree: Well, that was... very sweet.
Orson: Enjoy your rest, Bree Van de Kamp.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sally: Boy, do I feel for you. Trying to convince your friends that you're still normal, and you're surrounded by a bunch of loons.
Bree: You, too?
Sally: Oh, please. Dr. Barr goes out of his way to make me feel like a complete psychopath. I think he's crazier than the patients, actually.
Bree: You know that, um, that woman in the wheelchair? What's her story?
Sally: Yeah, she's a kooky one. She hasn't spoken a word since she got here. She just sits there all day long waiting for your friend to come and visit. He talks to her for hours, but I don't even think she can hear him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Karl: What the hell is this?
Susan: Karl, what do you want?
Karl: Well, I can't believe you're forcing our daughter to live in a house with wheels. I think we need to talk about this.
Susan: It's temporary, and if you don't mind, I'm having coffee
Mike: Oh, it's okay, Susan.
Karl: Hey, sorry. I don't mean to chase you out, buddy, but, uh, this is really a family thing.
Mike: No, no, I understand.
Karl: Cool.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tennis Pro: You've got a great swing. You just need a little help around the greens. You know what they say drive for show, putt for dough. Am I right?
Gabrielle: That is so true.
Tennis Pro: All right. I'll see you out there.
Gabrielle: Okay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Newsman Craig:(on TV) Jim, it was just an hour ago that the road crew working here on Route 57 saw a member of their own killed by oncoming traffic. The victim was a Hispanic male in his early forties, who, for years, was a prominent businessman in the area. Police aren't releasing a name until the next of kin can be notified. We, of course, will keep you updated...
 • Rating: Unrated

Xiao-Mei: Mrs. Solis! Why you home?
Gabrielle: Carlos is dead, Xiao-mei.
Xiao-Mei: No, please don't kill him.
Gabrielle: No, you don't understand. He's already dead.
There was an accident. He's all over the highway.
Xiao-Mei: No... he in kitchen.
 • Rating: Unrated

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