Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes (Page 4)

Season 2 Episode 23: "Remember (1)"

Carlos: Hey, babe. Why you home so early?
Gabrielle: Oh, honey! Oh, you're not dead!
Carlos: Who said I was dead?
Garielle: The police. They called me.
Carlos: What are you talking about?
Gabrielle: Honey, they didn't know all the details, but a witness said that they saw you run into the carpool lane to pick up a lawn chair that had fallen off some truck, and then a bus hit you right in front of the road crew. Why aren't you at the road crew?
 • Rating: Unrated

Gabrielle: Well, Carlos, they had your name.
Carlos: Oh, no. poor Ralph.
Gabrielle: Oh! Why is your back all sweaty?
Carlos: I was working out on the treadmill.
Gabrielle: Barefoot?
 • Rating: Unrated

Carlos: For God sakes, Gabrielle, Ralph just died, and you're worried about my feet? I mean, what the hell is wrong with you?
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Barr: You must find that very peaceful.
Bree: Why would you assume that?
Dr. Barr: Because that's all you've been doing for three sessions. I still don't know anything about you, except that you rake in remarkably straight lines.
Bree: Is that what you're doing, asking me all those ridiculous questions about my childhood, trying to get to know me? Well, here's a clue. I'm not crazy. I just have a few issues.
Dr. Barr: And psychotherapy is how we help you deal with those issues. What kind of treatment did you think you were going to get?
Bree: Honestly, I was hoping that you'd medicate the hell out of me.
Dr. Barr: You don't need anything stronger than what I've already prescribed for you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Barr: It says here your husband died, you had a boyfriend who killed himself, and you suffer from alcoholism. That's a lot of trauma for one year. What about your kids?
Bree: Oh, they're fine. Andrew is backpacking through Europe, and Danielle is away at cheerleading camp.
Dr. Barr: What's your relationship with them like?
Bree: What do you mean?
Dr. Barr: Are you close? Do they share things with you?
What do you feel about them?
Bree: You know, I really don't have time for this nonsense. Are you going to give me some serious drugs or not?
Dr. Barr: No.
Bree: Fine. Then I'm going back to my room.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dr. Barr:You know, Bree, I can't force you to open up to me, but I can make it easier for you to focus on your problems.
Bree:And how are you going to do that?
Dr. Barr:I'm going to tell the orderlies to confiscate all your personal items.
Bree:I committed myself voluntarily.
Dr. Barr:When you signed those papers I became responsible for your well-being, and I will help you
in any way I see fit.
Bree:I don't need that much help, because I am not like your other patients.
Dr. Barr:Oh, sure, you are. You just don't know it yet.
 • Rating: Unrated

Betty: It's not Caleb's.
Detective: You can try and deny it, but...
Betty: No, you don't understand. That jacket belongs to my other son.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lynette: Hi.
Tom: Hi.
Mary Alice: Hi, uh, we just wanted to come welcome you to the neighborhood.
Bree: Um, but we could come back later.
Lynette: Yeah. No, wait. Actually, wait. This is perfect. You know why? Because we need some impartial judges.
Tom: Lynette...
Lynette: Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant-- begged you--and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career.
You agreed to a baby. A baby, singular.
Tom: Lynette, we've just met these people.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: Um, we, uh, just came over to introduce ourselves, but we can, um, do that at another time.
Tom: No, wait. Please stay. It's okay. We're okay. We're okay, right? Honey, we don't wanna freak out the new neighbors.
Lynette: I'm sorry that you saw my panic attack. I won't let it happen again, especially since this is my last pregnancy.
Tom: Right. You're the boss. I'm just your love slave.
Susan/Mary Alice: Aw.
Lynette: Well, don't encourage him.
Tom: Honey, clearly, our new neighbors see that you have been gifted with a phenomenal husband.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lynette: Guys? Could you come here for a second? We need to have a serious talk. Okay, we have had a great... vacation, but tomorrow we're going home, except we're not going to our home. We're gonna go stay with Grandma.
Porter: Is dad gonna be there?
Lynette: No, dad is not gonna be there, but he--he is gonna come and see you guys all the time. We are still
gonna be a family. It's just... we won't be living in the same place anymore. So...is there any questions you wanna ask me?
Porter: Can we go swimming now?
 • Rating: Unrated

Zach: Look,I know it's an expensive car, but I need one, so can I get the money?
Noah: You're a lousy liar, kid. I read the papers. I know what happened to your father. My guess is he's in the market for a fancy lawyer to get him some rich man's justice.
Zach: Please.
Noah: Paul Young put Deirdre in a box. My daughter. Your mother, so we're clear, I don't write checks to monsters.
Zach: Why can't you just give me the money? You're dying. You don't need it. I do.
 • Rating: Unrated

Zach: Well, you said all of this was gonna be mine, so when do I get it?!
Noah: Empire is a highfalutin word, but that's what I've built. Unfortunately, an empire can only be ruled by an iron fist and a strong gut. I wanted to give it to you, Zach,
but I'm starting to have my doubts about you.
Zach: So what? Are you cutting me off?
Noah: I don't have any use for weakness. Get out.
Noah: What, are you gonna kill me? Prove you're a tough guy? See? That's why I can't give you the keys to the kingdom, Kid. No balls.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mary Alice: We met Gabrielle Solis the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. We were all excited to get a glimpse of a successful New York model.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: Hello?
Gabrielle: Hi, there.
Mary Alice: I'm Mary Alice. This is Susan, uh, Lynette and Bree.
Susan: Welcome to the neighborhood.
Gabrielle: Well, I am Gabrielle Solis.
Lynette: Would it be better if we came back at another time?
Gabrielle: Oh! No, no. I was... just changing out of my sweaty clothes. I didn't realize moving was such great cardio.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carlos: Hey, babe, we haven't tried it in the kitchen yet.
Gabrielle: Honey, uh, I think it's time to unpack the pants.
Carlos: Right. It's nice to meet you ladies.
Mary Alice: Let me guess newlyweds?
Gabrielle: Four months, and I've dressed like this for two of them. He's insatiable.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carlos: Hey, what are you doing?
Gabrielle: Trying to have sex with you.
Carlos: Now? Babe, it's kind of late.
Gabrielle: You don't wanna have sex with me? You always wanna have sex with me. You wanted to have sex with me an hour after your hernia operation.
Carlos: I'm a little preoccupied. A good man died today. Don't take it personally.
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: What's the catch?
Karl: There's no catch. It's yours, Susie. Yours and Julie's. No strings attached.
Susan: I can't accept this. I just I gotta get out of this mess on my own.
Karl: This is not charity. I owe you... for everything I've done over the years, for all the heartache I've inflicted on you. Consider it payback.
Julie: Mom! There's a pool and a jacuzzi!
Karl: At least no one can drive off with it while you're sleeping, huh?
 • Rating: Unrated

Betty: Bree, hi. It's Betty. I'm sorry to leave this on the machine, but the police have evidence that implicates Matthew in the murder of Melanie Foster. We have to find them, Bree. We have to find them and get Danielle back.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: You let go of me right now!
Dr. Barr: Hey, hey! What's going on here?
Bree: I am trying to leave, and these morons won't let me. Do you know that you can be arrested for kidnapping and for detaining someone?!
Dr. Barr: Why do you need to leave?
Bree: Because my daughter is in danger.
Dr. Barr: Something happened at cheerleading camp?
Bree: Okay, there's no camp. That was a fib on my part. I found out that she ran away with a boy and the boy is a murderer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: I can tell by your tone that you don't believe me.
Dr. Barr: Bree, let's talk about this in my office.
Bree: I don't have time for therapy, you quack! Now let me out of here! Let go of me! You idiot. Let go of me! You know I committed myself voluntarily! You can't do this to me! No!
Dr. Barr: Bree, please, don't struggle.
Bree: If anything happens to my daughter, so help me, god...
Dr. Barr: We're only trying to help.
 • Rating: Unrated

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