Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes
(narrating) Everyone in the world needs someone they can depend on. Be they faithful friends (shot of Bree walking away from the gravesite with Susan, Gabrielle, Lynette, and Edie.) Determined advocates (shot of Carlos talking with his new lawyer.) Or a loving family (shot of Lynette coming home to Tom and Penny.) But occasionally in life, the people we thought would always be there for us leave (shot of Lonny eating pizza alone) And if that happens, it's amazing the lengths we'll go to get them back (shot of Paul looking at pictures of Mary Alice and Zach while he opens his mail.)
Mary Alice
It's past noon, which means it's now socially acceptable to start drinking!
Lonny
(to Betty about the mailman) Well, he was great, but then he had this stroke, and now we're lucky if he doesn't drool all over the coupons.
Edie
Bree: My husband, the man I spent my life with for eighteen years, died thinking that I murdered him!
Susan: What?
Bree: Yes, the cardiologist shared this moronic theory with Rex and Rex believed him!
Gabrielle: Are you sure?
Bree: Yes, because he left a note. And it said, and I quote, "Bree, I understand and I forgive you." I spent eighteen years of my life with this man. How could he not know me?
Edie: Well, maybe he was forgiving you for something else.
Bree: I have done nothing to be forgiven for! I was a fantastic wife! When he was sick, I nursed him. When we were low on money, I stayed within a budget. I cooked his meals, I mended his clothes. For the love of God, I used to check his back for acne. And that miserable son of a bitch has the nerve to understand and forgive me! Well, the joke's on him because I do not understand and I do not forgive!
David: You want to know if I'm interested in sleeping with your wife. Well, the answer is yes.
Gabrielle: Carlos, he's kidding. Tell him you're kidding.
Carlos: Shut it.
David: And clearly, Gabrielle is willful, self-centered and manipulative. She's also beautiful enough to be worth the trouble. So, the minute we leave this room I'm gonna aggressively pursue her. And when I succeed, which I will, we are gonna fly to my chateau in Germany and have dinner in a local bistro. They make the best racolin in all of Europe. We'll make love by the fire and afterwards a little midnight skiing. (to Gabrielle) You ski, don't you? You're athletic, you'll learn. (to Carlos) Anyway, all of this only happens if you fire me. If you keep me on, your wife's off-limits. I'd get disbarred for sleeping with a client's wife and nobody's worth that, not even her. That's my pitch. I'll let you think about it.
Mike: Susan, he committed a felony.
Susan: Okay, who in this room has not committed a felony, raise your hand. Ah, ah, ah. Not so fast.
Since her first day on the job, it had been clear to Lynette Scavo that her new boss, Nina, was unusually tense. To help relieve her tension Lynette tried giving her boss thoughtful gifts. A soothing wave machine, aromatherapy candles, even meditative Chi balls. But nothing seemed to ease Nina's tension. Until one day, when it occurred to Lynette there was one form of relaxation she had yet to try. And although it had come about in a unexpected manner, Nina's tension had finally been released, the old-fashioned way.
Mary Alice
Susan: What would you do if this happened to you?
Julie: See, this would never happen to me. This kind of thing only happens to you.
Tom: Hey, what's wrong?
Lynette: (Crying) Because of me, my son's imaginary friend got crushed by a garbage truck. I am the worst person in the world.
Tom: Honey, he is gonna get over this in no time. Trust me. And one day, when he is all grown up, you and Parker are gonna laugh hysterically about this.
Lynette: You really think so? Really?
Tom: I promise.
(to another inmate) Don't judge me, you're not in here because you were caught helping the poor.
Gabrielle
(To Susan about Zach) So what's going to happen to little creepy when he gets here?
Edie
Gabrielle: Are you hitting on me?
David: What would you say if I was?
Gabrielle: I'd say I'm pregnant.
