Susan: Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
Mike: I doubt it. She dumped me today.
Susan: What? Why?
Mike: Well, I was arrested for murder.
Susan: Still. It's tacky.

(After Art reveals he is a pedophile)
Lynette: Where are you going?
Art: Why? Are you going to write?

(Mike is pacing in his cell when Susan comes up to him.)
Mike: They told me somebody was coming, but I did not expect it to be you.
Susan: Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
Mike: I doubt it. She dumped me today.
Susan: What? Why?
Mike: Well, I was arrested for murder.
Susan: Still, it's tacky. Well, okay then, uh...I'll help you get out. Uh, what's your bail?
Mike: A million dollars.
Susan: Oh.
Mike: You don't have to help me, Susan.
Susan: I want to.
Mike: Aren't you gonna ask?
Susan: What?
Mike: If I killed that woman?
Susan: I don't have to. I know you didn't.
Mike: I wish I was that sure. I, I have these flashes, where I see her face, so I must've known her. And if I did, maybe something happened. Maybe I got angry, maybe...
Susan: There is an explanation for this, and we're gonna figure it out. Don't worry about a thing.
(She strokes his hand through the bars of his cell.)

Most models don't eat pizza...well, at least not without having a finger for dessert.


Get up there and make me hate your beauty!


Gabrielle: You're opening up a salon? God... Could you get any gayer?
Vern: It's a consulting firm for beauty pageants contestants.
Gabrielle: And the answer's yes.

(Edie is showing Bree, Orson and Gloria a cheap house.)
Edie: Let's try to be positive people! It's a fabulous location and just walking distance from all sorts of fun shops.
Bree: Right! From here I can see a bail bonds man and an adult book shop!

Amy: Do you have to be skinny to be a model?
Gabrielle: Well yeah. When was the last time you saw a fat person on a magazine cover?

Ian: The more I let you into my heart, the more I feel I'm pushing Jane out and...
Susan: You don't have to push Jane out to let me in.
Ian: Of course, you're right.

Bree: You cannot let your mother move into this neighborhood. It's filled with junkies and whores.
Orson: And we'll owe them all an apology.

(at the dinner table) Dear Lord, I thank you for this bland, indifferently prepared meal and beseat you to ignite some spark of compassion in my cold hearted daughter-in-law, that she might show some shred of mercy to me, her wretched captive.


Susan: Hey, here's an idea. You keep some things in a drawer at my house. Would it be okay if I had one here?
Ian: A drawer? Do you think we'll be here that often?
Susan: Your shower has six power nozzles. With or without you, I'll be back.

Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes

Tom: Hey, you've got a cousin in the limo business, don't you?
Carlos: Actually, I've got a cousin in the limo as a front for prostitution business.

(About Julie and Austin) She loves him. And like it or not he loves her.
(Susan and Edie walk in on Austin and Danielle making out on Edie's couch.)