Susan: Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
Mike: I doubt it. She dumped me today.
Susan: What? Why?
Mike: Well, I was arrested for murder.
Susan: Still. It's tacky.

(After Art reveals he is a pedophile)
Lynette: Where are you going?
Art: Why? Are you going to write?

(Mike is pacing in his cell when Susan comes up to him.)
Mike: They told me somebody was coming, but I did not expect it to be you.
Susan: Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
Mike: I doubt it. She dumped me today.
Susan: What? Why?
Mike: Well, I was arrested for murder.
Susan: Still, it's tacky. Well, okay then, uh...I'll help you get out. Uh, what's your bail?
Mike: A million dollars.
Susan: Oh.
Mike: You don't have to help me, Susan.
Susan: I want to.
Mike: Aren't you gonna ask?
Susan: What?
Mike: If I killed that woman?
Susan: I don't have to. I know you didn't.
Mike: I wish I was that sure. I, I have these flashes, where I see her face, so I must've known her. And if I did, maybe something happened. Maybe I got angry, maybe...
Susan: There is an explanation for this, and we're gonna figure it out. Don't worry about a thing.
(She strokes his hand through the bars of his cell.)

Most models don't eat pizza...well, at least not without having a finger for dessert.

Gabrielle

Get up there and make me hate your beauty!

Gabrielle

Gabrielle: You're opening up a salon? God... Could you get any gayer?
Vern: It's a consulting firm for beauty pageants contestants.
Gabrielle: And the answer's yes.

(Edie is showing Bree, Orson and Gloria a cheap house.)
Edie: Let's try to be positive people! It's a fabulous location and just walking distance from all sorts of fun shops.
Bree: Right! From here I can see a bail bonds man and an adult book shop!

Amy: Do you have to be skinny to be a model?
Gabrielle: Well yeah. When was the last time you saw a fat person on a magazine cover?

Ian: The more I let you into my heart, the more I feel I'm pushing Jane out and...
Susan: You don't have to push Jane out to let me in.
Ian: Of course, you're right.

Bree: You cannot let your mother move into this neighborhood. It's filled with junkies and whores.
Orson: And we'll owe them all an apology.

(at the dinner table) Dear Lord, I thank you for this bland, indifferently prepared meal and beseat you to ignite some spark of compassion in my cold hearted daughter-in-law, that she might show some shred of mercy to me, her wretched captive.

Gloria

Susan: Hey, here's an idea. You keep some things in a drawer at my house. Would it be okay if I had one here?
Ian: A drawer? Do you think we'll be here that often?
Susan: Your shower has six power nozzles. With or without you, I'll be back.

Displaying quotes 193 - 204 of 350 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes

I hadn't really thought a lot about this moment, but when I did... the table we were at didn't have a blood gutter.

Susan

Mike: I don't believe this. You are setting me up?
Susan: You need to move on, okay?
Mike: I don't wanna move on. I came here to see you.
Mike: Well, I'm not available. So, if you feel like kissing someone tonight point those lips at Maggie.

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