Susan: Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
Mike: I doubt it. She dumped me today.
Susan: What? Why?
Mike: Well, I was arrested for murder.
Susan: Still. It's tacky.

(After Art reveals he is a pedophile)
Lynette: Where are you going?
Art: Why? Are you going to write?

(Mike is pacing in his cell when Susan comes up to him.)
Mike: They told me somebody was coming, but I did not expect it to be you.
Susan: Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
Mike: I doubt it. She dumped me today.
Susan: What? Why?
Mike: Well, I was arrested for murder.
Susan: Still, it's tacky. Well, okay then, uh...I'll help you get out. Uh, what's your bail?
Mike: A million dollars.
Susan: Oh.
Mike: You don't have to help me, Susan.
Susan: I want to.
Mike: Aren't you gonna ask?
Susan: What?
Mike: If I killed that woman?
Susan: I don't have to. I know you didn't.
Mike: I wish I was that sure. I, I have these flashes, where I see her face, so I must've known her. And if I did, maybe something happened. Maybe I got angry, maybe...
Susan: There is an explanation for this, and we're gonna figure it out. Don't worry about a thing.
(She strokes his hand through the bars of his cell.)

Most models don't eat pizza...well, at least not without having a finger for dessert.

Gabrielle

Get up there and make me hate your beauty!

Gabrielle

Gabrielle: You're opening up a salon? God... Could you get any gayer?
Vern: It's a consulting firm for beauty pageants contestants.
Gabrielle: And the answer's yes.

(Edie is showing Bree, Orson and Gloria a cheap house.)
Edie: Let's try to be positive people! It's a fabulous location and just walking distance from all sorts of fun shops.
Bree: Right! From here I can see a bail bonds man and an adult book shop!

Amy: Do you have to be skinny to be a model?
Gabrielle: Well yeah. When was the last time you saw a fat person on a magazine cover?

Ian: The more I let you into my heart, the more I feel I'm pushing Jane out and...
Susan: You don't have to push Jane out to let me in.
Ian: Of course, you're right.

Bree: You cannot let your mother move into this neighborhood. It's filled with junkies and whores.
Orson: And we'll owe them all an apology.

(at the dinner table) Dear Lord, I thank you for this bland, indifferently prepared meal and beseat you to ignite some spark of compassion in my cold hearted daughter-in-law, that she might show some shred of mercy to me, her wretched captive.

Gloria

Susan: Hey, here's an idea. You keep some things in a drawer at my house. Would it be okay if I had one here?
Ian: A drawer? Do you think we'll be here that often?
Susan: Your shower has six power nozzles. With or without you, I'll be back.

Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes

There is a place in St. Timothy's church
where sinners go to confess their sins. And once they're done,they expect absolution. But the truth is, not all confessions are worthy of such forgiveness. Most who unveil hidden agendas deserve the condemnation they receive. Most who disclose vengeful motives merit the punishment that follows. Only the truly repentant have any right
at all to expect a second chance... Which is why it's best to think twice before you confess... Especially if you don't know what it is you're confessing to.

Mary Alice

(talking on the phone) Hey Gaby, It's Lynette. Got a little emergency here. Is it okay if we use your back yard? (pauses) Great, great. And we take complete responsibility for whatever the pony does. Hope you get this message soon.

Lynette