(To Susan, hiding behind the door) You want something bitchier, then do it yourself.


Good friends share more than just gossip and brunch, they share enemies too!


Gabrielle: (about Edie dating Carlos) It's awkward, it's, it's like if I donated a dress to charity, and I went to a party and you showed up wearing it.
Edie: Again, if you gave it away in the first place then what the hell are you bitching about?!

Therapist: To let one guy go, well, that's life. It happens. To let them both go, that's just stupid.
Susan: Stupid?
Therapist: Yes, that would be the clinical term.

Cancel my lunch, I'm gonna be here for a while.


(on Susan's answering machine) Hey Susan... um... I don't mean to bug you, but there's just so much I didn't get to say... um... I ju--... God, I'm lousy at goodbyes. Anyway, you will always be the best thing that ever happened to me and, well I hope you find the happiness you deserve. Bye. Oh, this is Mike.


Susan: Lynette, what are you doing here?
Lynette: Edie asked me to cater. I know, I'm a total whore, but please don't rat me out to Gaby.
Edie: (just as Susan is about to say something) Hi Susan! I have 30 copies of your book. The kids can't wait for you to sign it. Come on, let's go. Come on. Come on.
Lynette: (looks at Susan and smiles) Looks like we're working the same corner.

Gabrielle: So here's what's gonna happen. We're not talking to Edie anymore.
Lynette: What do you mean we?
Gabrielle: I mean we as in she betrayed me and you're my best friends so you're gonna support me because that's what friends do.
Susan: And support you, means acting like we're in junior high?

(about Gabrielle) Well, if she wants to play these schoolgirl games, fine, 'cause I invented 'em!


(to Gabrielle) You are as tall as my legs. What are you gonna do?


(voiceover) ...and for the first time, Gabrielle was willing to let Carlos be with someone else, because she knew...he still belonged to her.

Mary Alice

Susan: Ian, I made my choice.
Ian: But not for the right reasons. You're just trying to honor a promise you made to me.
Susan: I will get over him.
Ian: You've been trying to get over him for as long as I've known you. Haven't had much luck, have you?
Susan: Ian, I love you.
Ian: I know you do, but you love him a little bit more, don't you?

Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes

Susan: Did you seriously think I could sit on information that would exonerate Mike? If you had seen his face in jail the other day.
Ian: The other day? You saw Mike?
Susan: Yeah, just to tell him about the lawyer. (turning to Bree) I know that Mike is innocent.
Bree: Right, just like you knew Alma was dead.
Ian: I thought we had an agreement.
Susan: We do. Can we talk about this later?
Susan: When? After your next conjugal visit?
Bree: (to Susan) Boy, when it comes to Mike there's no one you won't betray.

Parker: You went to the store and you got shot, and auntie Nora died.
Lynette: I'm only gonna be in there for ten minutes, I promise.
Parker: Can't she go? (pointing at Mrs. McCluskey)