Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives Season 3 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 3 Episode 12: "Not While I'm Around"

Lynette: (Pinches her blouse after seeing Harry starring at her chest) Harry, Harry, what'd I say?
Harry: I know, I don't mean to be rude. It's just that my showgirl days were a while ago and I can't remember when I last laid eyes on a beautiful woman's (pause) bosom.
Lynette: Really? Well, what if I were to very briefly refresh your memory? (Firmly places waiver on table for him to sign.)
Cut to next scene where Lynette is buttoning her blouse.
Harry: Completely worth it! (Hands her signed waiver.)
Lynette: Glad you thought so.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Carlos walks into Gabrielle's bedroom, while Gabrielle is in the bathroom.)
Carlos: Gaby, I need another pillow.
Gabrielle: All right. Don't take the big one. That's my favorite.
Carlos: It's only for one night. 'Cause tomorrow I'm gonna be back home sleeping in my own bed.
Gabrielle: What?! You can't abandon me! There's a madman stalking me. My life is on the line. Do you know how scared I am?
(Gabrielle gets out of the bathroom wearing the dress her secret admirer gave her.)
Carlos: You're keeping that?
Gabrielle: Hey, I'm scared, but not of the dress.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lynette: (to Andrew) Aren't you supposed to be working?Andrew: Aren't you supposed to not be here?Lynette: Touch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 11: "No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds"

Tom: I don't want you to be afraid to take a firm hand with Kayla. She is part of our family now and.. you know what that means.
Lynette: Yeah! I should treat her as badly as I treat my own children.
 • Rating: Unrated

Alma: (to Orson) So, what is it with you and redheads?
 • Rating: Unrated

Alma: Bree Hodge? I'm Alma Hodge. I believe we have someone in common.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andrew: Austin's not gay. Not even after three beers...Don't ask.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lynette: Well, gotta hand it to her. Just when you think Bree's thrown every conceivable theme party she hosts a Shame on you for thinking my husband killed someone dinner.
 • Rating: Unrated

Edie: I think Wisteria Lane is the place for you.
Alma: Good. More than anything I just wanna fit in.
Mary Alice: (narrating) Oh you will, Alma. You absolutely will.
 • Rating: Unrated

Florist: (to Gabrielle) What's to explain? A pretty girl gets flowers do you know many girls never get flowers. I work in a flower shop, I've never got any freaking flowers, so stop your whining about who sent them and just be glad he did.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: Now that we're all assembled I'd like to introduce the guest of honor. I hope you'll all be as delighted to meet her as I was. You can come in now.
(Alma enters.)
Bree: Everyone, this is Alma Hodge, Orson's first wife.
(The ladies stare at Bree, then at Alma.)
Bree: (to Susan) Oh, about that apology, anytime you're ready.
 • Rating: Unrated

Carlos: (to Gabrielle) Gabby if I was gonna send you flowers I wouldn't send pink roses, I'd send you white orchids, because I know they're your favorite, and if I wanted to cheer you up sunflowers, and for the flu, blue irises.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Carlos: Why would I send you flowers?
Gabrielle: To sabotage my new relationship! (nods to Bill)
Carlos: Oh, picnic boy? What do I care if you go out with him?
 • Rating: Unrated

Danielle: You hold on to your virginity. If Austin won't wait then he doesn't deserve you.
Julie: I just don't want to lose him.
Danielle: It's better than losing your self respect. Take it from a girl who's known at school as 'Little Miss Van De Tramp'.
Julie: I thought you made that up?
Danielle: Only because it was nicer than the other names they were calling me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kayla: Leave me alone! You're not my mommy!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Carlos calls while Gabrielle picnics on the lawn with Bill)
Carlos: Hey, hey, who's the dork?
Gabrielle: Carlos?
Carlos: What's with that cap? Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Gabrielle: Where the hell are you?
(She looks around her and sees Carlos on Mike's frontporch, watching them as he drinks a beer. He waves at her)
Gabrielle: What are you doing at Mike's house?
Carlos: I live here.
Gabrielle: What do you mean you live there? Since when?
Carlos: Gabby, my car's been in the driveway for three weeks. Even you can't be that self-absorbed.
Gabrielle: Well, as you can see, I have more pleasant things to focus on.
Carlos: So when you gonna tell Jimmy Olsen there that you hate picnics?
Gabrielle: I'm gonna hang up now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tom: She threw your doll in the trash?
Lynette: No, first she ripped off its arms, stuffed it with chili, then she threw it in the trash!
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: I'm out of lipstick. Can I borrow yours?
Julie: Sure. (hands her her lipstick)
Susan: Cherry berry?
Julie: Austin likes the way it tastes.
Susan: Oh, I so did not need to know that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: I can't believe that I just listened to all that stuff Edie told me about you. It turns out you're the only one standing by me. You're a good friend, Susan.
Susan: Ahm, yeah, about that. It's Ian. He's not crazy about me spending time with my ex.
Mike: Even an ex who doesn't remember dating you?
Susan: I remember, and I guess that's enough for him. I'm sorry.
Mike: Well, I can't say that I blame him.
Susan: (reaching out her hand to him) Take care of yourself Mke.
Mike: You too, Susan.
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Did you seriously think I could sit on information that would exonerate Mike? If you had seen his face in jail the other day.
Ian: The other day? You saw Mike?
Susan: Yeah, just to tell him about the lawyer. (turning to Bree) I know that Mike is innocent.
Bree: Right, just like you knew Alma was dead.
Ian: I thought we had an agreement.
Susan: We do. Can we talk about this later?
Susan: When? After your next conjugal visit?
Bree: (to Susan) Boy, when it comes to Mike there's no one you won't betray.
 • Rating: Unrated

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