Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

Hi, I'm Al Harrington, President and CEO of Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Thanks to a shipping error I am now currently overstocked on wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men, and I am passing the savings on to you! Attract customers to your business, Make a splash at your next presentation, Keep grandma company, Confuse your neighbors, African American? Hail a cab, Testify in church, Or just raise the roof! Whatever your wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man needs are! So come on down to Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Route 2 in Weekapaug.

Al Harrington

Don't mind me you guys, I'm just writing a letter to my boyfriend. Dear, my boyfriend, thank you for making out with me recently, on purpose. That was cool. Those flowers that you totally sent me, were really pretty. Just like you said I am. Love, Meg.

Meg

We will have equal rights for all. Except blacks, Asians, Hispanics, Jews, gays, women, Muslims. Uhmm...Everybody who's not a white man. And I mean white-white, so no Italians, no Polish, just people from Ireland, England, and Scotland. But only certain parts of Scotland and Ireland. Just full blooded whites. No, you know what? Not even whites. Nobody gets any rights. Ahhh...America!

Griffin

Stewie: Brian, this is painful. It's like listening to those two foreign guys down at the coffee shop who've been living in the US almost long enough to sound American.
(scene cuts to coffee shop)
Guy #1: Oh man, what a good bunch of partying at that disco-tech. They played one of my audience requests.
Guy #2: Way awesome! I myself drank like five liters of beer. Any more and I would have ended up in hospital man.
Guy #1: Oh you said it friend, but I wanted to stay, because I almost had sex on this girl.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, but it was so expensive. Each drink was like six dollars forty!

I forgot Yelp was a weapon for dumb people, you taught me something today Brian.

Stewie

Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a rant here, but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antietam. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskolnikov filibuster deoxymonohydroxinate.
Peter: What the hell does rant mean?

Stewie: Hey, you have a tattoo.
Brian: No I don't.
Stewie: Is that Ziggy? Is that a Ziggy tattoo
Brian: Aw, geez.
Stewie: Why do you have a Ziggy tattoo
Brian: I just to used think he was kind of funny. We should get to the hospital.

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!

So, is there any tread left on the tires, or at this point is it just like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?

Stewie [to prostitute]

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Peter, are you just trying to take a knee until the end of the show? Peter that's not gonna work, you can't just --

Lois