Family Guy

Family Guy "Saving Private Brian" Quotes

Peter: (to his therapist) Every time my daughter opens her mouth, I just wanna' punch her in the face, she's really annoying.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Let me ask you this. When was the last time you saw something through to the end?
Brian: Well I uh..
Stewie: NEVER, thats when! You need this Brian. You dropped out of college, you still haven't finished your novel, do you know what you lack? Discipline! You know where you'll get it? Right here in the Army!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Chris, you can't join the army, you're too young. Besides, the Army's weak. Now the Marines, those are the men you wanna (Bleep).
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Stewie walks into the recruiters office)
Recruiter: Peggy would you send in the next- oh, you're already here. Say, aren't you a little young to join the Army?
Stewie: No, I have that...um...Webster disease. Hey, is that the M9 double action pistol?
Recruiter: Sure is, standard issue in the Army.
Stewie: Where do I sign?
Recruiter: Right here. Did I mention there's a hundred dollar bonus if you sign up a buddy?
Stewie: Really? Well I think I have a surprise for somebody. (Stewie signs up Brian too)
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: (after killing the Vaudeville Guys) Okay, they're dead, alright? We're not going to be seeing them again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sgt. Angryman: My God. You are the sorriest bunch of rejects I've ever seen, and I've seen The Bangles in concert.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sgt. Angryman: Congratulations men, you've all passed basic training. I'm proud to call you soldiers. I'm sure you'll do your country proud tomorrow when you are all shipped off, to Iraq.
Brian: What!?
Stewie: Oh don't worry, I'm sure he means Fraggle-Iraq.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: (opens Chris's closet) What the hell!? Marilyn Manson? Is that who's causing all this?
Peter: Yeah, it's all him or hers fault. Who does he or she think he or she is. Look, you can totally see his or her nipples. That's obscene maybe.
Lois: There's only one thing to do.
Peter: You're right, we've got to find this Marilyn Manson and I've gotta give that bastard or bitch a piece of my mind or penis.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Presenter: And the Grammy, for biggest posse goes to...Ja Rule!
Madonna: What!?
Presenter: No Madonna, posse, posse.
Madonna: Oh.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Gregory Peck and his kids are riding in the car, his kids look and talk exactly like him)
Son #1: Are we there yet?
Son #2: It's crowded back here!
Son #3: Stop touching me!
Son #2: Your leg is rubbing up against mine!
Gregory Peck: Hey! Quiet down or I'm pulling over.
Son #1: Stop breathing on the window!
Son #2: You idiot! That's condensation, it's on the outside.
Gregory Peck: That's it! I will come back there and so help me god, I will hit you with my ring-hand.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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