Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

If I gave you a sandwich, could you get Chris to fart on it?

Herbert

My God! My wife is seeing another mayor!

Adam West

Oh, hey there Chris! Happy Valentine's Day! Hope Cupid brings you a saggy old bag of treats!

Herbert

Chris: Oh, hey, um, I think I might have the wrong address, I'm looking for Mr. Herbert's house?
Sandy: No, you're at the right house. I'm his grandniece Sandy.
Chris: Wow, my name is Chris too!

Meg: Ahhhhh! Oh my God! Tobey, what happened?
Tobey: Oh, I just harvested your kidney.
Meg: Look at the size of this scar!
Tobey: Sorry, it's my first day on this job.
Meg: Well, where did you work before?
Tobey: Circuit City. So, I haven't worked in like two years.

Meg: Do you like Coldplay?
Tobey: Am I a dull white guy? Yes, I like Coldplay!

You kiss your mother with that mouth? (Stewie vomits at the reference)

Brian

Brian: Hey, you think you might be able to get me some acid?
Stewie: I'll get you a rolled-up newspaper on the snout is what I'll get you! Very! Bad! Dog!

What's wrong with you, Holder-Downer 5000? That's just for women!

Quagmire

Meg: I totally hit it off with this great guy on the internet and we're finally gonna meet!
Stewie: Okay, remember to ask questions about him. Seem interested. Listen. Giggle. Swallow.

Lois: You know, Peter, since it's Valentine's Day, I was thinking let's do something we've never done before.
Peter: Release the virus?

Lois: Peter, are you ready for your Valentine's gift? [drops trenchcoat, is naked]
Stewie: No, but I'm ready for therapy.

Displaying all 12 quotes

Family Guy Season 11 Episode 12 Quotes

Lois: You know, Peter, since it's Valentine's Day, I was thinking let's do something we've never done before.
Peter: Release the virus?

Lois: Peter, are you ready for your Valentine's gift? [drops trenchcoat, is naked]
Stewie: No, but I'm ready for therapy.