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Family-guy

Lois: Peter, its seven in the morning!
Brian: Thanks for the update Big Ben.
[Brian and Peter Laugh]
Lois: You're drunk again!
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted from bein' up all night drinkin'.
Lois: Listen, Peter, if you keep this up something terrible's gonna happen.
Peter: Somethin' terrible... all the way to the bank!
Brian: Nice

Lois: Oh, my God! You can only play the piano when you're drunk!
Peter: Now that's not true! I can also vomit, fall down and make dirty calls to your sister when I'm drunk!

It's like I died and went to heaven, but then it turned out it wasn't my time, and they sent me to a brewery

Peter

Beer that never goes flat. Do you know what that means, Brian? This beer will still be carbonated long after you die of old age and we buy another dog to help the kids ... y'know, forget about you

Peter

Lois, everyone has their sanctuary. The Catholics have churches, fat people have Wisconsin, and I have the Pawtucket Brewery

Peter

Game Show Host: This one is for Peter Griffin and Tony Randall.
Game Show Announcer: The password is..."flaming."
Peter: You...
Tony Randall: Actor.
Peter: You...
Tony Randall: Tony?
Peter: You...

It's true. The final scroll has been recovered. The lucky recipient has declined to be interviewed for safety reasons, but I'm sure you're all with me when I say, "Congratulations, you son of a bitch."

Tom Tucker

The Don: You come to me and ask me to kill a man I do not know. Now I ask you...why should I kill this Count Chocula?
Cap'n Crunch: Because that son of a bitch has been spreading lies. My cereal does not cut the roof of your mouth...with all respect

All right, listen to me you long-neck bastard. You give me the scroll, and I'll make you the head of sanitation services for the entire city. It's a do-nothing job, sweetcake

Adam West
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Family Guy Season 2 Episode 20 Quotes

The Don: You come to me and ask me to kill a man I do not know. Now I ask you...why should I kill this Count Chocula?
Cap'n Crunch: Because that son of a bitch has been spreading lies. My cereal does not cut the roof of your mouth...with all respect

All right, listen to me you long-neck bastard. You give me the scroll, and I'll make you the head of sanitation services for the entire city. It's a do-nothing job, sweetcake

Adam West
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