Family Guy

Family Guy "Whistle While Your Wife Works" Quotes

Stewie: You hate MTV!
Brian: Pot helps.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jillian: ...and then, think about this. Have you ever seen the sun and the moon in the same place at the same time?
Peter: (gasps) They're the same person!
Jillian: I know, right?!
Chris: You're brilliant!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Alright Brian, you can do this. You can dump her, because once it's done, never again will you have to listen to her talk like this? You know, where everything has a question mark at the end of it? With an upward inflection? At the end of every sentence?
Brian: Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking? Oh dammit, now I'm doing it too!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: What's that smell? Smells like sweat and anger and shame.
Brian: Yep.
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Stewie: Life's confusing when you grow up, isn't it Brian?
Brian: It is.
Stewie: Can we play my mixtape?
Brian: Yeah, go ahead.
(Stewie puts in the mixtape and "Cars" by Gary Numan begins to play. Stewie sings to the beat)
Stewie: Brian had sex, with a really dumb girl, now he's taking his friend Stewie, to get some ice cream, in his car.
(Brian shuts the tape off)
Stewie: Ohhhh, you're a poor sport.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Oh, hey Quagmire, how was Florida?
Quagmire: Oh, it was great! And guess what? I smuggled a whole bunch of fireworks back in my anus.
Peter: Uh, Quagmire, fireworks aren't illegal here. You could've just put 'em in your car and driven 'em up here.
Quagmire: (smugly) Huh, yeah, that's just as fun.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jillian: Oh my god, Brian. I was watching something on TV about this guy named Hitler. (gasps) Somebody should stop him!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jilian: Anyone else have to go to the little girl's room? I have new gloss.
Jilian's Friend 1: I love gloss!
Jilian's Friend 2: Oh that rocks!
Jilian's Friend 3: Gloss rhymes with hair!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Say Jillian, I love what you've done with the place. What is it, one bedroom, one bath?
Jillian: No, it's a whole apartment.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: Oh, well let me ask you something. Does she have an alibi?
Brian: For what, why would she need an alibi?
Stewie: So your saying she does not have an alibi.
Brian: Well, no.
Stewie: Ok, so we established she ain't got no alibi, she ugly, she ugly. (chants) U-G-L-Y she ain't got no alibi she ugly.
Brian: Screw off.
Stewie: M, she major ugly, O, she fat and pugly, O my god know the cow says moo.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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