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Family-guy

Stewie: You hate MTV!
Brian: Pot helps.

Stewie: What's that smell? Smells like sweat and anger and shame.
Brian: Yep.

Stewie: Alright Brian, you can do this. You can dump her, because once it's done, never again will you have to listen to her talk like this? You know, where everything has a question mark at the end of it? With an upward inflection? At the end of every sentence?
Brian: Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking? Oh dammit, now I'm doing it too!

Jillian: ...and then, think about this. Have you ever seen the sun and the moon in the same place at the same time?
Peter: (gasps) They're the same person!
Jillian: I know, right?!
Chris: You're brilliant!

Stewie: Oh, well let me ask you something. Does she have an alibi?
Brian: For what, why would she need an alibi?
Stewie: So your saying she does not have an alibi.
Brian: Well, no.
Stewie: Ok, so we established she ain't got no alibi, she ugly, she ugly. (chants) U-G-L-Y she ain't got no alibi she ugly.
Brian: Screw off.
Stewie: M, she major ugly, O, she fat and pugly, O my god know the cow says moo.

Stewie: Say Jillian, I love what you've done with the place. What is it, one bedroom, one bath?
Jillian: No, it's a whole apartment.

Jilian: Anyone else have to go to the little girl's room? I have new gloss.
Jilian's Friend 1: I love gloss!
Jilian's Friend 2: Oh that rocks!
Jilian's Friend 3: Gloss rhymes with hair!

Oh my god, Brian. I was watching something on TV about this guy named Hitler. (gasps) Somebody should stop him!

Jillian

Peter: Oh, hey Quagmire, how was Florida?
Quagmire: Oh, it was great! And guess what? I smuggled a whole bunch of fireworks back in my anus.
Peter: Uh, Quagmire, fireworks aren't illegal here. You could've just put 'em in your car and driven 'em up here.
Quagmire: (smugly) Huh, yeah, that's just as fun.

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