This comic sucks!. He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laughing my ass off and he was making me do it

Peter

• Permalink: This comic sucks!. He couldn't make me laugh, even if I was laug...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Peter: At least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street who's getting a boat.
Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey! I'm getting a boat!
Peter: Aw man, even Della Reese is getting a boat

• Permalink: At least I'll be the fattest guy on Spooner Street who's getting...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Ok, here's the plan. I'll be Charlie and you can all be be my angels! Except you. You be Bosley

Peter

• Permalink: Ok, here's the plan. I'll be Charlie and you can all be be my an...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Gloria: Mr. Griffin, I'm Gloria Ironbox. I represent one of your co-workers, Sarah Bennett. She's suing you and the company for sexual harrasssment.
Peter: Sarah, Sarah? I don't--oh, is she the one we video taped taking a dump?

• Permalink: Mr. Griffin, I'm Gloria Ironbox. I represent one of your co-work...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Quagmire: I'd do everything to you.
Lois: What?
Quagmire: I'd do anything for you

• Permalink: I'd do everything to you. What? I'd do anything for you
• Added: September 29, 2009

Joe: Hey neighbors, where's your boat?
Lois: We didn't take the boat, we took the mystery box. Hop in!

• Permalink: Hey neighbors, where's your boat? We didn't take the boat, we ...
• Added: September 29, 2009

I say, if you cooked any slower... well, you wouldn't be cooking very fast at all, would you?...Well, that wasn't very good

Stewie

• Permalink: I say, if you cooked any slower... well, you wouldn't be cooking...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Lois: Meg, Could you please change Stewie for me?
Meg: Fine. But if a boy calls, please don't tell them I'm wrist deep in poopy

• Permalink: Meg, Could you please change Stewie for me? Fine. But if a boy...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Peter: What day is it?
Lois: Thursday.
Peter: Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm late!
Lois: If you spent less time fixing your hair...
Peter: No Lois, I'm late, late. Do we still have that pregnancy test?
Lois: Are you insane? You can't have a baby.
Peter: Well I don't have a lot of options. I'm Catholic. I thought you'd be happy

• Permalink: What day is it? Thursday. Oh my God! Oh my God! I'm late! ...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Diane Simmons: Tom, I'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous closet-case.
Tom Tucker: Bit of breaking news, we now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane

• Permalink: Tom, I'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous closet-c...
• Added: September 29, 2009

You know, mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Hayes once said, "I'm going to kill you"

Stewie

• Permalink: You know, mother, as first lady of the American stage Helen Haye...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Meg: I don't get it, mom, if you're so mad at dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?
Lois: I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?
Chris: A bitch

• Permalink: I don't get it, mom, if you're so mad at dad for wrecking your s...
• Added: September 29, 2009