Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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It's true. The final scroll has been recovered. The lucky recipient has declined to be interviewed for safety reasons, but I'm sure you're all with me when I say, "Congratulations, you son of a bitch."

Tom Tucker

The Don: You come to me and ask me to kill a man I do not know. Now I ask you...why should I kill this Count Chocula?
Cap'n Crunch: Because that son of a bitch has been spreading lies. My cereal does not cut the roof of your mouth...with all respect

All right, listen to me you long-neck bastard. You give me the scroll, and I'll make you the head of sanitation services for the entire city. It's a do-nothing job, sweetcake

Adam West

Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France

Peter

Peter: You know that whole Vietnam thing? Never happened.
Brian: Oh yeah, but don't mention it around the Veterans Hospital. Those guys are really committed to the lie

Meg: Excuse me, Mayor West?
Adam West: How do you know my language?

See, Meg, things always work out if you just do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences

Peter

Lois: Oh, I haven't been on a college campus in years. Everything seems so different.
Stewie: Really? Perhaps if you laid on your back with your ankles behind your ears that would ring a few bells

Brian: Ah, the old alma mater. I tell you, there's something magical about Brown.
Chris: Brown is the color of poo. Ha ha ha!
Brian: Yes. Yes it is

My days in college were so exciting. This one time, the national guard came and shot some of my friends

Lois

College Girl: Are you in a fraternity little boy?
Stewie: Not yet but I'm thinking about joining I Felta Thi

Peter: Ok, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. A homicidal murderer tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let him kill?
Brian: That's... that's not a riddle. That's... that's just terrible.
Peter: Wrong, the ugly one.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 183 in total

Family Guy Season 2 Quotes

Coco: You simply must join us in a game of baccarat.
Peter: Right baccarat atcha!

If I ever go back to Quahog, it'll be just so that I can poke poor people with a stick!

Chris