Family Guy

Family Guy Season 3 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 3 Episode 2: "Brian Does Hollywood"

Bill Cosby: Stewie, what do you think candy is made out of?
Stewie: Sunshine and farts! What the hell kind of question is that?!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Easy! Massage the scalp. You're washing a baby's hair, not scrubbing vomit off your Christmas dress, you holiday drunk
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Look at me, having sex with a pig! I've become my father!
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Jasper: You like sex in the city?
Brian: I don't watch that show.
Jasper: I wasn't talking about the show. Ooh, I'm nasty! (Imitates foghorn) Someone put me out to sea!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 1: "The Thin White Line"

Brian: Hey, how about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up
 • Rating: Unrated

Meg: Wow, Brian! Have you lost weight? You gotta tell me your secret!
Brian: Here's a hint: Put down the fork!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Brian, it's moments like this that make me sad you're gonna die fifty years before I do
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Rehab Counselor: I don't think you're an addict, I think you're an idiot.
Peter: Yeah, well I don't pay you to think, hot lips, in fact, I don't pay you at all...
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: What are you doing here [at rehab]?
Peter: I'm on vacation. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'm also on smack
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: Hey dad, I heard if you use tanning beds, you can get something called "Melanoma."
Peter: Oh, Chris, that's just fancy-talk for Sexified
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: The real hero here is God: for blessing me with this nose, and a few other amazing appendages!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: I'm not being insensitive, Lois. I just don't see why we have to cancel our vacation, just because the dog's a coke-fiend
 • Rating: Unrated

Joe: Nice work, rookie!
Cop #1: You're a credit to the force!
Cop #2: Additional generic cop compliment, Brian
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Joe: Say hello to our newest narc.
Quagmire: Oh, yeah? (to Brian) How good are you?
Brian: (Sniffs) You're back from Manila. You had lumpia for dinner. Then you made love to two Filipino women. (Sniffs) And a man.
Quagmire: You mean three Filipino women. (Brian stares blankly) NOOOOO!
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: So I see you got a new receptionist. Nice little body on her, huh?
Therapist: That's my daughter.
Brian: Well, we could probably call this an early day, huh?
 • Rating: Unrated

Rehab Counselor: Wait a minute, Brian, you have a pre-existing relationship with this degenerate?
Peter: A degenerate, am I? Well, you are a festisio! See? I can make up words too, sister
 • Rating: Unrated

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