Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family guy
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I think the lesson here is, it doesn't really matter where you're from, as long as we're all the same religion

Peter

Lois: Ewww, What's that smell?
Brian: It's either bad meat or good cheese...

Wait a minute. Pie? Drunk? The?, I think you got yourself a new sherrif!

Peter

Now whenever I see a dead body, I will poke it twice as hard for you Sam!

Chris

Listen Chris, I read a book saying that women are from Venus, all right, so here's what you get her. Thick layers of sulphuric acid, viscous surface rock, and coronets which seem to be collapsed domes of a large magma chamber. Here's five dollars

Peter

Aw, the South! Isn't that the place where the black guys are lazy, and the white guys are just as lazy, but they're mad at the black guys for being so lazy

Peter

Jeff Foxworthy: You know you're a redneck, when your gun rack has a gun rack on it.
Stewie: You suck!

Herbert: You like popsicles?
Chris: Well, sure!
Herbert: Then you need to come on down to the cellar. I got a whole freezer full of popsicles. Mmmmm.
Chris: No, thanks. I gotta get going.
Herbert: Oh, don't make me beg now.
Chris: Hahaha! You're funny. Bye.
[Chris pedals away on his bike]
Herbert: Get your fat ass back here

Employer: So, Peter, where do you see yourself in five years?
Peter [thinking]: Don't say, "Doing your wife." Don't say, "Doing your wife." Don't say, "Doing your wife."
Peter: Doing your...[sees the employer's family picture] son?

Sam: I can't believe you're leavin'...
Chris: Me either. I'll be sure to write.
Sam: And I'll be sure to learn to read

Criminal [on TV]: First I'm gonna bang my girlfriend, and then I'm gonna kill Chris Griffin!
[Everyone gasps]
Stewie: Good Lord! Can he really say "bang my girlfriend" on TV?

Lois [at a drive through with Lois' sister in labor]: Peter, why have we stopped?
Peter: Yeah, I'll have 3 cheeseburgers...
Lois: Peter, for God's sake! She's having a baby!
Peter: Oh, that's right, and a kid's meal

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 176 in total

Family Guy Season 3 Quotes

Peter: As we all know, Christmas is that mystical time of year when the ghost of Jesus rises from the grave to feast on the flesh of the living! So we all sing Christmas Carols to lull him back to sleep.
Bob: Outrageous, How dare he say such blasphemy! I've got to do something.
Man: Bob, there's nothing you can do.
Bob: Well I guess I'll just have to develop a sense of humour

Brian: So I see you got a new receptionist. Nice little body on her, huh?
Therapist: That's my daughter.
Brian: Well, we could probably call this an early day, huh?