Lois: Oh by the way Bonnie, we just finished reading the Da Vinci Code at my book club, you were right, its terrific!
Stewie: OH let me guess, some flowery 300 page menopausal, masturbatory aid.

Peter: Me, go to a PTA meeting? What, are you high?
Lois: Nah, not anymore, I crashed hours ago. By the way, we're out of chips, cookies and Funnybones.

Brian: What the hell is this?
Mayor West: It's creamed corn. I brang it from home because I don't like the creamed corn they have here. It's too crunchy.

If I drive, I'll have to have a couple of drinks first because I am very self-conscious about my driving.


Brian: What happened to your good buddy James Woods?
Peter: He was having trouble catching things in his mouth. What happened to your girlfriend?
Brian: Same problem.

So, which of the Latin countries are you from? The one with the civil war, the one with the cocaine, or the one with the fancy hats?

Stewie [to maid]

Meg: Wow, this looks just like my room at home.
Lois: Yeah except for the all the trophies and pictures of friends.

Lois: I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey that's fantastic Lois, and I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me Too!
Peter: Oh God Meg, that's SICK! That's your mother!
Meg: I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out, get out of this house!

You know what's interesting? I've only been alive for six weeks, I know nothing of the world beyond this dog's stomach, and I still find Six Feet Under pretentious.


Sailor [referring to Meg]: What's that, captain?
Seamus: That's a manatee. Or what we call it in nautical terms: the sea cow.

Yes, uh Grover what is it, this has to be quick, I am so pressed... Yes, the letter G is wonderful... Of course, and the number 6... Oh ok, ok, Gr, Grover, Grover, GROVER, GROVER, GROVER... you, you know what? If you're gonna shout, we can just talk later... Oh uh oh alright, you know what? Call me back when you calm down

Stewie [on Sesame Street phone]

Stewie: That coffee mug that you have on your desk, it says life's a beach? Umm, that's dangerously close to the word bitch isn't it?
Brian: Uhh, yeah that's the joke.
Stewie: Oh, absolutely! And nobody appreciates a little joke like Stewie, and you know between you and me I think it's a stitch, but some of the other employees found it offensive.
Brian: Other Employees? Who else works here besides me?
Stewie: Fuck you! That's who works here

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

Lois: How was your physical, Peter?
Peter: Good. Good. Good, yeah. Too good, as a matter of fact. Ya know what the doctor said? The doctor said I was too healthy. Too good of shape. Don't even know how, too good of shape.
Lois: You didn't go to your physical, did you?
Peter: Er, I did not.